lol thank you Pearl. And didn't this attitude eventually turn your BF around? Either way, I feel stronger. It feels more like a fight but the good fight - for my sanity.
Hope, I remember when you were trying out the DB coach's advice and I was worried that you'd be exposed to more verbal abuse as a result. I am saddened to see that my concerns were justified.
I think that dropping the rope is the right choice here. Forgive yourself for your S not growing up in the "perfect family"...because not everything is under your control . It's a very hard lesson in letting go that we're learning. Recognizing where our even-decreasing influence as mothers ends.
You're a wonderful person (((hugs)))
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Thx FM! Yea, I"m having a real shift and it scares the cr*p out of me. I actually went to a family law attorney who specializes in domestic violence = and she is ready to get up in the morning and fight for me. I'm not ready to move yet but I'm thinking set up my arsenal...after all isn't that what H did the whole time he was lying to me about reconciliation? SAdly, I think I may have no other choice but to fight. I'm so tired of the intimidation, the threats, the humiliation, the fear and anxiety.
You know what? I went to both my therapist and the new attorney today and I didn't need any anti anxiety pills! I felt a mental lift I haven't felt in a long time just knowing I have legal rights to protect myself from the abuse. It's taken me a year to even get that it is abuse, it still feels weird to say it, but now is time to be like David to Goliath - send that well aimed pebble right between the eyes and slay that giant that has had me shaking in my boots for over a year.
Some pep talk, eh? Now if I can muster the courage to stick to the plan...
for now, I plan to go dark or dim, line up my info, my intel, document as much as I can remember, and muster my nerve.
Cheering you on Hope . There's peace on the other side of this...
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Feels like the weird George ORwell saying "War is Peace." Somehow to keep the peace I have to fight a war. It's really scary.
It is an incredible mind f*** to wrap my head around the man that I fell in love with, had a child with, who helped me through so much in life is abusive? That I need to protect myself and my son from him instead of trust and rely on him? It's absolutely crazy - like Alice through the looking glass. I'm sure we all feel like that sometimes!
Just popping in to say hi hun! Well the worm has finally turned is all I can say along with how proud I am off you! Choosing to look after yourself and as always before S is a big step forward, just a thought on what you said above, do you think all was well when H thought he was helping you the so much and when you looked like you didnt need his help therefore he lost his control he turned abusive.. just wondering if he is a control freak par excellance?
____________________________
W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
I always feel like Alice through the looking glass ;-)
Originally Posted By: Hope4Luv
Thx FM! Yea, I"m having a real shift and it scares the cr*p out of me. I actually went to a family law attorney who specializes in domestic violence = and she is ready to get up in the morning and fight for me. I'm not ready to move yet but I'm thinking set up my arsenal...after all isn't that what H did the whole time he was lying to me about reconciliation? SAdly, I think I may have no other choice but to fight. I'm so tired of the intimidation, the threats, the humiliation, the fear and anxiety.
You know what? I went to both my therapist and the new attorney today and I didn't need any anti anxiety pills! I felt a mental lift I haven't felt in a long time just knowing I have legal rights to protect myself from the abuse. It's taken me a year to even get that it is abuse, it still feels weird to say it, but now is time to be like David to Goliath - send that well aimed pebble right between the eyes and slay that giant that has had me shaking in my boots for over a year.
Some pep talk, eh? Now if I can muster the courage to stick to the plan...
for now, I plan to go dark or dim, line up my info, my intel, document as much as I can remember, and muster my nerve.
WOW, I am so proud of you for taking these steps! Hooray! I think this is all good in terms of gathering info, marshalling your reserves and lining up your "army". It will help you feel empowered (which you haven't been for so long) and more in charge of your own destiny. All this waiting around for them to act gets old, doesn't it? Nothing to say you can't move things forward, or just get ready like you are. I am really really glad you've consulted with someone you like and are feeling good about it. I think, personally, that you've taken enough crap and deserve a peaceful, anxiety-free (or at least greatly lessened) life with S.
Keep us posted---
((((Hope))))
When the men on the chessboard Get up and tell you where to go; And you've just had some kind of mushroom And your mind is moving slow; Go ask Alice... I think she'll know.
I'm proud of you Hope. If you ever need an extra dose of nerve, just come here and we'll push you on. No one deserves even 25% of what you've shared here, especially not you.
Me38,H:38,S:7 Married:6/99 Bomb:7/04 Sep.:5/05 D Filed:3/08;Final 1/10 Piecing:11/09 H moved back:09/10 Current thread: http://tiny.cc/htcty
THank you everyone. I can't believe what I've been putting myself through the past year. I had to txt H for a computer password today and even just getting a txt from him has given me a panic attack I haven't been able to shake. Trying to steel my resolve again. Aggressive lawyer yesterday seemed to really emotionally care and pushed me to file motions before H does. I am frozen with fear, not sure what to do.
Anyhow, my plan is to disappear when H comes over tonight. H may not even notice the 180, but it's for me this time, to keep away from whatever it is that is giving me this panic.
180 tonight - and yes, it was for ME this time - I have fabulous news. My H has started going back to his place after putting S5 to bed. Any of you who have followed my sitch know that H spends the night here 2-3 nights per week during "his time" with S, and S goes one night per week to his apt.
Months ago, H angrily insisted that if S was to be in this house on his time and not coming to his place 50%, then I should go away overnight. Then for some months, he would stay here on his nights, but we'd sleep in separate rooms sometimes we were tense, sometimes, getting along. Finally this week he has started going back to his apt and I said is this going to be the routine now and he said unless I'm out late and he needs to stay here, yes.
HEre's the awesome part - I think she must have expected me to be upset, as months ago I would have, seeing this as him slipping away, and me feeling rejected. Now that I'm looking hard at my divorce options and feeling good about my independence, I just said, "Ok, cool. Bye." I was really proud of myself for not getting emotional or showing any signs of loss. I'm going to look at this at my time now to work on my own stuff, on myself, and enjoy me time. That's a big step for me.
. It's a very hard lesson in letting go that we're learning. Recognizing where our even-decreasing influence as mothers ends.
. There's peace on the other side of this...