i can see myself going around in circles. it's like you telling me that it's not about christmas. yet, in my head .. all i can think of is "are you still mad about christmas?"
every time i regurgitate my sitch, i say the same things over and over again. i'm trying to find something different in what i'm saying each time i say it. but i never find it.
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If you were creative enough you could have called me.
my self-worth is on the floor so i didn't think you cared either. :P
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This is hard to explain.. but him "drawing away" after sex.. is normal for someone with a P LL.
i actually told him that when he pulls away like that it makes me feel like i'm a booty call. and when i feel that way, it makes me not want to be intimate with him.
i feel very .. used. not how i want to enjoy sex.
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Now.. you start calling your friends.. or showing it around the room to everyone. <--- cooling off period.
how is that cooling off? you're still on a high from the gift that you're calling friends and showing off your gift. how is that cooling off? to me, cooling off is putting the gift away. like if you got a gift of a new shirt. you say thank you, you hug, you go try on the shirt. the cooling off part would be putting the shirt away. not trying to be difficult, but that's how i see 'cooling off'. the effect of the gift is fading and hence you get the cooling off.
does chapman's book talk about the 'cooling off' part?
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Dumped.. you are your own worst enemy. You are looking for the answer everywhere but the "right" place. This is something you have done for a while. The habit is still there.
honestly, i'm trying to find clarity. and i am repeating myself over and over again. hoping that the next time i repeat it, maybe i'll find something in what i'm saying that is different. and then i don't find it and all i feel is hurt.
it doesn't matter how many times i say it. i still can't find the hidden message behind it. i can't see the 'hurt' that he's feeling.
i'm losing compassion. what can i do to stop this cycle? what am i not seeing? when i question your (forrest, coach) explanation, it's because this is what's going through my head. it's not because i'm trying to be difficult or resisting. i'm really trying to find a way to break my thought process. i'm so focused on one way, i can't see another.
