Just found out she already filed

[newmama]

Suzy, thanks and you're right that I need to figure out the boundaries but it's just so hard when it comes to kids.

Thank goodness it is hard for others and I am not "inept" for not knowing "the rules!" but I know that doesn't help you. Just am in the same boat, rowing along.

When S is older, I won't celebrate with stbxh on his b-day though.

I know in the future things will be even worse when STBX has someoneone else. I don't know how people can stay amicable in those types of situations. This is all so damn hard but you just have to somehow carry on like robots.

I do have some reference....although I was a teenager when my parents divorced, my sisters were about 3 and 4. So I got to watch how it works. A b-day party at mom's and a b-day party at dad's. I think it would have given my sisters false hope if my mom and dad still hung out together.

I hope to stay the same as far as putting S' needs first but the kids will need to be forced to accept that divorce means there is no mom+dad+kids...it is mom and kids or dad and kids. I do not mean to sound harsh, I am saying it will help them get used to it.

Of course for graduation and other events, we will have to suck it up and show up, but sit far away from each other if we have significant others. Maybe if we didn't, we could sit closer. Because at that stage in life, the kids would know we were divorced and not getting back together. (like middle school and high school graduation)