My Wife is Having an Affair with Co-Worker

[LSG]

I am reposting because my wife was checking this site. I do not want to put to much personal information that she will have an idea what my plans are to save my marriage. I want to "Save My Marriage", and I will do that with participation from everyone here. I am so thankful for the support I have already had so far. Please don't stop giving me advice!

Our marriage as deteriorated from the affair with her co-worker, and I will do anything to expost the infedility and end the affair.

To recap, we are still living in the same home and share the same bed, but that is about the extent of the relationship. I do not talk to her unless I have to. I do not want to give her any attention or in any way endore her affair.

More in the next post.

[LSG]

My W and I are presently in divorce proceedings. I do not know what to in my thread at this point to have a chance to give our M a chance and drop the OM. I did expose to his W, but there has been no effect. The OM and OMW have not even discussed that they both know what we have been communicating.

W will not give up her A.

I have a thread in the "newcomers" section. More specifics are there.

I do not want a D, but she filed, so I have no choice and little time to save my marriage if it is at all possible. I have made mistakes before I found this site. I am sure I am still making mistakes. I have not had the resources to buy DB/DR to help further. I have to fly a little blind and try to pick-up what I am able to by reading other threads and learning from responses to mine.

I need some hand holding to break the affair or learn to make myself better to help my R with my STBXW.

I do not want D. I hope to save my M even if I in the process of D.

Please provide any guidance possible.

Thank you!

[LSG]

Wife made the comment that she never agreed that I would be primary parent for the kids since I have been out of work for a number of years. She thinks I am not trying, but I look everyday.

I have put myself at a disadvantage because of my experience caring for the kids and putting her career first. I have let my experience be a problem. We made every decision together. I wish I had decided for myself what was best for the family. She said a psychic tell her it will be another 10 years before I am successful, and she cannot wait that long. This is just one of her justifications for the affair. He also has a lot of money.

He is married with 3 kids, and his W and I talk from time to time. I believe that she is going to D him. I don't know if this will help my sitch. He knows her and I communicate, but he does not talk to his W or tell her anything. Their is a mirror image of mine in the way my W treats me. It is like is showing her the ropes on how to cheat and mistreat your family.

Really terrible man. He does not talk or do anything with his youngest S. His says that he believes she was having an affair. She said it was just texting at the time and nothing more. She has ended it according to her.

I will provide more info. as time goes on.



There is so much more to my sitch and the affair in the "newcomers" section.

[LSG]

My W said from a source I will not identify that OM makes her feel like a school girl taking her for a ferris wheel ride, buying her jewelry and clothes. She told me that she could not even look at the moon with me and enjoy it. She cannot even laugh with me. So many things she says she cannot do with me so she says, but I assume she is able to those things with the OM.

Here is something that the counselor had us do:

5 ways to become my best friend

1. Being able to have fun and enjoy life with or without each other

2. Being able to support emotionally (emotional stability)

3. Being able to share anything comfortably with


4. Being able to laugh and cry together

5. Being able to understand the differences of each other

This is her list from a about 8 months ago. The affair has been about a year so far. There seems to be no sign that it is ending. She is home more, cooks more, but I know that she is TM him all the time because I check her phone and know that she TM from the bathroom when I hear a squeaky draw open. That is where she hides her cell phone.

Enough for now. I will provide more info as I am able to. I feel like I am running out of time to stop an unneccessary divorce that will tear my family apart and hurt my kids for years to come.

It is such a waste.

[LSG]

I thought of something else.

My wife only had 3 month long relationships until me. I am the longest relationship she has had.

She is having an affair longer than 3 months. It is a year or more. Does that say that this A will last. I hope it does not.

Her father had an affair on her mother when she was 5 and he took her to the OW's place with him. She hated him for it. Her mother she wondered how she put up with him. Now she says she can see why her father had an affair and that her mother is too dependent on him. She thinks I am like her mother.

She has done a complete 180 in her thinking.

Her parents both mother and father are condoning her A with the OM. Go figure.

She is acting different only since my response to her petition to gain custody of the kids and say all sorts of ugly things about me.

I have to defend myself in the D proceeding, but I wonder how much further is this going to send her to the OM. Will I push her over the edge to never be able to fight for the M.

What do you guys think.

She is Japanese from Japan. First generation.

How do I compete with OM that has money, and I have no job or money at the moment. I take care of the kids all of the time.

Well...to be continued more.

[MelodyJ]

Hi there - I'm also up late. I'm still figuring things out for myself and don't have any amazing advice for you, but just want to say hello. There are many people on eastern time so at about 3 pacific time (if that is where you are - I'm guessing because you're up so late), the boards become more active as the folks on the East Coast wake up. Hang in there!

[MelodyJ]

Sorry - I just saw you have a high number of posts and so you probably know when people are getting online. Blame the oversight on lack of sleep! Hope you get some good advice shortly.

[LSG]

Hi MelodyJ,

Thanks for welcoming me here to the Infedelity/Extramarital Affair section of DBusting. I am in Los Angeles, CA and cannot sleep. I am a stay-at-home father, and my W is off for the week. She took the kids by herself for the night for the first time, so I have been a little down about it. I can't sleep yet. I was actually feeling a little better tonight than today. It is closer to the time I get to see my kids. I am happy, but they will have to readjust a little to me caring for them again. Even for the day. It is okay though.

I am doing my best. I have not had the chance to read a lot of threads in this section yet, but I thought I would see where it takes me in my R with my W.

I will have to read about your sitch.

I thank for taking the time to respond to my sitch.

[LSG]

Hi MelodyJ,

No problem.

You are very thoughtful.

Thanks.

[MelodyJ]

LSG - Sorry you are going through this. My H has next week off of work and so I will also face the pain of sharing my daughter when I'm not used to sharing. I will do it because I know she needs a continuing relationship with her dad, but it's painful because it feels like I'm being punished for my H's crime.

I'm going to go try and get some sleep because my daughter will be up before I know it - don't want to be a zombie tomorrow.