NM, I think it's not that my WH doesn't want a D. I think he is scared maybe of making it final. For no other reason than bc it would be final. But I'm realizing it has nothing to do with his decision. If he was uncertain w/ his decision, who knows, wouldn't he have said something? Am seriously starting to think that he feels sorry for me maybe? And doesn't want to hurt me any more? Although at this point, what could cause more pain. Or maybe he thinks its better to wait a month after the baby is born? Or just using me to get to his son?
Regardless, I'm trying to do what's necessary to protect myself and my feelings, but having low expectations, by telling myself that I am getting divorced, its just a matter of paperwork and time. That H is still being selfish by holding off on finalizing the papers until he is in a place to do so.
But I don't doubt that this is what he wants. He clearly doesn't want to be my H, or a family with me and the baby.
I need to accept the baby will have two families. One w/ me, one with H, and that I cannot feel responsible for H's decision. I have no control over it. Sad that someone else can dictate two other's lives so profoundly.
Someone made a good point to me tonight. Said your H is obviously hiding something so huge, that he'd rather keep it to himself and hurt you so badly than to expose the truth and set you free. So where is the respect for me!!!
So I just tell myself, H is simply waiting for the birth, and to situate his own life, but regardless we are still getting D.
