A hard stance was suggested. What you described was not you taking a hard stance at all.
The first part of your post says it all. You went right back to the father/daughter dynamic. Why does it matter if your wife chose to pile stuff on HER personal belongings and HER wedding dress? They are not your items and correcting her doesn't set the dynamic of husband and wife.
Nobody suggested a "hard stance" included a R talk that spans 10 years.
Nobody suggested you tell her you would remove her name from the mortgage.
Nobody suggested you keep going back and forth with her. You could have walked away and told her when she was calm, in control and ready to be civil you would consider having another conversation.
There was no validation in this conversation at all. It was nit picking, R talking, empty threats and conflict. That is not a hard stance.
