no, i understand. i have been told this for a long time, and i have found that it doesn't matter: i can be aloof and independent, or i can be insecure and dependent, and the results are always the same: sexual emptiness.
I gather from this that you have tried different things and nothing has worked. I can see how that is very discouraging. But what I am suggesting is not being "aloof and independent." Far from it. It is being both "present" and "strong and confident." It is expressing yourself -- your feelings, your desires -- without worrying about your wife's reaction. Isn't that the kind of person you want to be? A strong, confident leader in your marriage? I am not saying that being this way will make your wife want to have sex with you. But your not being this way is nearly certain to make you unattractive -- to her and to other women as well.
