Still trying to find my way

[Mystik]

Newmama, I've wondered how well my anti-d's are working. They just seem to take the edge off, not really make it go away you know? The timed relay sounds fun! He doesn't have anyone right now that he really talks about as being his friend. My friend has a kid a year younger than DS, I could invite him to go with us some time.

RNM, It is hard to be sad with DS. As for my crying, I know I need to cry but when DS is appointing himself my comforter and protector then it needs to stop some time, you know! The kid is 6, he should not have to worry about making me feel better when I'm crying. I'm just taking things one day at a time and will be on the lookout for confidence boosters.

[Mystik]

Tonight was awful. Horrendous. I am kicking myself for getting out of the car when H and DS arrived. Had I stayed in the car like I normally do, none of this would have happened tonight. But no, I wanted H to see how much weight I've lost. Stupid stupid stupid.

H waited for me to buckle DS in, when I closed the door H said, "It's hard no matter how you start it. The due date is in November, I'm thinking we both would like the divorce to be final by then." I told him isn't that something we both should want. He said he thought I did want it, that I had told him "Whatever you want". I said I was validating what he wanted, didn't mean that I wanted it too. He said he was having a child with someone else, and I said I knew that. He asked if I would contribute towards the divorce and I told him no, I'm not going to pay for something I don't want. He said it would take him longer but he could do it on his own, I said he had no grounds to file on. He said he would file on the grounds of constructive abandonment and was I going to fight him. he said we could do it nicely and be civil or I could fight him and have it get nasty. I told him I wasn't sure what I was going to do. I asked him what about his obligation to me and he said his only obligation to me was the money he owed me, and I told him I wasn't talking about money I was talking about our marriage vows. I told him that I felt our marriage could be saved, that two months ago he was ready to work things out, and how could he just turn those feelings off. He said they are having an ultrasound Friday to find out the gender, I said I don't care. He said that's what changed, that's what made us go past the point of reconciling. I said it doesn't have to. So he said that I don't understand, having a child with someone and I gestured towards DS, said we have a child together and doesn't that count for something? I said I still believe our marriage can be saved, you can't just turn off loving someone. He was getting angry, told me that we both have to move on. I said No and shook my head, he told me that shaking my head no doesn't change things. I said two months ago he said he missed me, missed our friendship and was ready to work things out, how could he just turn that off. He just looked down, then said he was sorry for how much he hurt me and that he was still hurting me. He said he couldn't afford two child support payments and I responded that if we worked things out he would only have one. He said he just wanted to know if I was contributing towards the divorce and I said no, I won't so he got in his car and left.

I sobbed the whole drive home, poor DS. I am devastated, had started out today feeling hopeful. Even now I feel that it's not over yet. And I refuse to "take one for the team" and let H wrongly accuse me of withholding sex when he was the one withholding, so yes I am going to fight him on this. I want to scream out from the pain I'm feeling, it's hard to breathe it hurts so bad.

DS wanted to know why I was sad so I told him that Daddy doesn't want to live with us again and he doesn't want to be my husband anymore. DS asked if he would still be his daddy and I assured him he would, and then he asked if he would still see his Daddy and I told him it would be just like it is now, only Daddy wouldn't be my husband anymore. I told him that Daddy would explain it all to him, I was too drained to handle any more questions, expecting DS to talk to H the next time he sees him. So DS called H right away, and I gave him privacy for the call so I don't know what he asked or what H told him.

[Mystik]

I was caught completely off guard for him to approach me tonight. I know I could have handled the talk better but I was completely unprepared.

[Mystik]

H just sent me two texts. Told me to "try to remember the impact i have on DS and the limitations of a 6 year old's intellect." Said "even if I'm not talking to him he's listening to my conversations and he needs to know that H left me, not him."

Now maybe I'm wrong but when H walked out and left me and DS, doesn't that mean that yes, he did leave DS as well as leaving me?

[CityGirl]

I think it would be best for you and your H to talk with your son together about the future. Let your H be the one to say it is his desire to leave the marriage but you should be there.

You can't take back what happened but in the future I would tell your H that any legal business will take place through your attny only. You have enough on your plate and honestly, your H isn't that responsible with money as it seems. If he can't support two child support payments he should have thought of that before he got OW pregnant.

[Mystik]

I guess I should get that lawyer on retainer, huh. Thing is I don't know when H is going to file, so can I retain her now and have her just sit and wait until H files, or wait until he files and then I retain her?

I have no clue what H told DS, so he may have already talked abotu the future with him. I don't ever ask DS about his visit with his father and he never tells me about it.

And yes, he should have thought about a lot of things before he got the whore pregnant.

[courageous wife]

(((Mystik)))

Sorry about what you are going through!

Have you had a consult with a L? Sorry if I missed that, I haven't read your whoel thread. Sometimes consults are free.

If not, then I would to find out what you need to do, what paperwork to have, what to expect etc.

I, personally, did not retain an L until after H filed.

[Mystik]

CW, I had a consult back in May with a lawyer, got a lot of information from it. Since I'm going to have to contest H's filing I need to retain her now. I think I'm going to e-mail her tomorrow, she did tell me that any questions I ask by e-mail she won't have to charge me for but if I go in to see her then I need to retain her first. I'll find out how much her retainer is, and when I should retain her.

[Mystik]

I am stil feeling very numb and in disbelief this morning. I feel as though H won't do this, that he's not going to go through with the D. I'm sure he's getting a lot of pressure from the whore, too.

[TimeHeals]

I am stil feeling very numb and in disbelief this morning. I feel as though H won't do this, that he's not going to go through with the D.

Excuse me, but he is living with another woman who is having his child and keeps talking about a divorce.

You don't want to help him pay for his attorney? No crap! You need your own attorney. How are you set for funds?

You need a lawyer, I think.

Hope is one thing, but you need to accept what is actually happening in your life, and you need to protect yourself and your child.

Time to get back up, Mystic. Time to fight for your son and yourself!