How's this for a Knight in Shining armor affair. Copied from another board:
Quote:
this is the way I basically understand, as well as main character who thus unknowingly and unwantedly became a central part of the deceitful casting in the drama playing off behind the scenes. Due to the juicy element of secrecy (the plot in the storyline), the affair is kept alive for some time until normally caught or disclosed (intrigues in the plot) in whatever way and which varies from one affair to the other. Some time ago Dr Bob issued an article in one of this newsletters on this classic triangle that is being formed in all affairs. My shrink also explained this to me, almost in a similar fashion, in the following explanation of the intrinsic dynamics of affairs, but explained in my own way of perceiving how affairs work:
The OW normally lures the WH in by acting as the poor, proverbial damsel in distress. At first by playing on his feelings, being vulnerable and making him feel wanted and special, also stroking his ego endlessly. This makes him feel very strong, needed and good about himself, lifting his spirits tremendously as well as the low feeling he has about himself so as to fill that big void deep inside of him. Both crave external validation so as to make them feel better about themselves. So, if he is susceptible to this tempting trap that she sets for him, a protective feeling towards her is being evoked in him. This is so, because that's the way God made us to be. The difference between the make-up of men and women; for men to instinctively want to protect and provide and to cover her emotionally as well, and the woman in turn to be covered, protected and provided for. OW now feeds him endlessly with an abundance of emotional supply that he so much craves (and gets addicted to) as well as fantasies about, which excites him even more, making it difficult to break free. He in turn basically does the same for her by complimenting her lavishly and thus making her feel adorable, 'loved' and safe. And that is how the story of affairs begin, although in reality being built on a fallacy. By making deposits and withdrawals in and from each other by taking turns, they form an emotional attachment at first, which could quickly develop into a physical affair as well. Very much a matter of availability and accessibility as well. Investing in and feeding on each other's empty needs, those voids inside of them that nobody could actually fill but themselves, therefore mirroring this emptiness inside them respectively to each other. So it becomes a kind of symbiotic attachment where they each 'pay' for what they get from the other. OW has invested a lot, very well knows she has the upperhand at that point in time and now feels she has a claim to fame to the wife's husband, thus becoming a possessive imposter in the marriage. In her disillusioned mind she has earned more right to him than his legal wife. WS who became hooked on OW in essence gave her the authority to feel that way...when he gave himself permission to allow OW into his marriage as the unwelcome, to put it mildly, third party to it.
The dynamics between the two affair partners is actually very similar to the fairytale analogy of the knight in shining armor who rescues his helpless princess. At the same time this bondage between them disturbs the relationship between man and wife, and thus the balance and survival of the marriage system as well as family system as a whole when children are mostly involved, and is being threatened grossly, and which could probably disintegrate in the wake of the affair when out in the open. Therefore the dynamics then quickly change between the WH and his BS...as she all of a sudden becomes the aggressor...in other words the bad 'old' witch! WH's mind is clouded with his OW who dominates his thoughts and back at the ranch the wife just becomes no good and insignificant. Suddenly she irritates the hell out of him and he starts picking fights so as to validate his guilty feelings of engaging in an illicit relationship. WS starts to look pale in his delusional mind and eyes and OW takes over his whole being during the affair. That's the point where they become 'temporarily insane' as Dr Bob refers to it, due to the adrenalin rush provided by surplus excretion of dopamine (the 'good feel' brain chemical). The poor wife can even become ugly to WS, although she usually is more attractive and worthy (as in most cases), even if OW is nothing to look at twice. Yeah, 'love' (which is nothing more than just infatuation that subsides in roundabout 18 months time) does become blind indeed....! So in essence OW who treads on holy ground and has no firm ground to stand on, feels threatened by the wife who, knowingly or unknowingly of the affair, has the first and a legal right on WH. Thus OW would try her utmost to preserve and maintain the equilibrium of the affair that pays of such good interest, and that is fragile, cause it's build on the premise of fantasy and deceit, in order to prevent it from disintegration and is 'fighting' for survival of their affair in order to cap her investment in BS's lawful husband, trying to switch roles with the wife. sThat's why she gets so defensive and oppositional when the 'aggresor/witch' intrudes and feels robbed when BS claims her WS back as she rightfully can, leaving devious OW in most cases alone and with ... nothing but bittersweet memories of something she in the first place had no right to enter into.
"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!" 1st thread
