Thank You for your thoughts... I'd love to talk to you more perhaps on the alt if you are there. I'm elwood.
It was a very hard decision. but the thing about it is that I can always go there-- there are options. the one option I didn't have was to go back to CT if I bagged it... and under the circumstances it seemed in the end like a really bad idea-- given what she said and all of her actions that showed me what it was going to be like.
my boys are my main focus. right now I believe they are not living in a good place with a person who really has their best interests in mind. they are with a person who has their own best interests in mind. I honestly felt like it was the best thing for them-- and me-- to stay here. things are shaping up pretty well here for me now as well which is good. this is a phenomenal opportunity and a real chance for me to establish myself in a job that will give the entire family stability, as well as will allow me to get out from under the tremendous debt.
I have totally done what you said (already)with regards to talking to my L. I did drop the suit-- or thought I did-- with the hope that she meant what she said-- that she wanted to reconcile and bring the family back together. I knew she was lying, as she does all the time but I had to at least try and see. my lawyer was smarter than me, however, and dragged his feet and thus the suit has not been dropped.
I have a good lawyer (I'm told). I think he has been waiting for me to give him the full go ahead... I of course was still in love with my wife and wanted her to come back-- also for the boys sake. but now I'm ready for war. I never wanted this. but she's been playing dirty for some time and certainly has won a few of the first battles. but I'm preparing myself for the war ahead.
your advice about making it more attractive for her to live her is a great one. I hadn't thought about it that way but I will certainly think about it more. I've told her over and over that all I want is joint custody and for my boys to live where I live.
the dream opportunity thing was a sham. it was never real. she has not had a job...
I told her that I would get a house for her here, and the weeks that she has the kids she is here... weeks she is not she can go up to the other town and do what she wants to do... I doubt she will go for that but to me that is the best possible solution-- for the stability of the boys and their lives right now. carting them back and forth 8 hours a weekend just is not good and really not safe.
So I'm going to try and work that out. if the boys end up there permanently then I can always go there... that may be what ends up happening. but it will be on my terms and also by then I believe the custody issues will have been worked out so she will not be able to control everything as she has for this last year.
