Still trying to find my way

[Vulcanized]

Had therapy tonight, it went ok. She wants me to turn my focus from myself to DS. I need to start interacting with him more, taking him fun places like the park and just be more involved with him.

This sounds like a good idea. I'm sure when you interact w/S you feel good. It's hard to be terribly sad around small fries.

I just feel so incompetent right now. I'm crying more than I should, feel helpless as to how to stop that from happening. I'm afraid that whatever I do try to do, I'm going to screw it up somehow. Really though, how do you screw up a trip to the park? I'm not sure but I'm afraid that I'll find out. I need to work on feeling more competent, more capable of doing things without assistance from anyone else.

You are NOT incompetent. You are going thru the a terrible, terrible life experience. Of course you are devastated. How could it possibly be any other way? If you need to cry a billion tears, then that is what you have to do. Until you get to the last one, you aren't done.

You are a compassionate, capable woman. You aren't going to "screw up". You are raising you S, taking care of yourself and home in the face of tremendous adversity. Give your self a bit of kindness; you are doing the best you can do at this moment, with the circumstance at hand.

I find when I tell myself 'I can't ...', it feeds off itself and builds and builds. But when I say 'I can ... ' the same thing happens.

You can, and will come thru this. You will be a better, stronger Mystik at the end of this journey.

(((Mystik)))