Still trying to find my way

[newmama]

Oops forgot to boss you around.

1) do something alone outside of your house- go to a bookstore and drink coffee/tea, see a movie, go to a free concert in the park, go to MacDonald's for their free wi-fi and surf the net (or somewhere else, lol!)

2)look at meetup.com for your area and just think about joining some of the groups there. Maybe tag a couple.

3)think about some hobbies you used to enjoy when you were younger but then dropped them. Painting? Skating? You mentioned writing (they have writing contests you can enter online--the point is to give yourself a goal and a deadline! Check out writing.com!)

4)think about things you have been afraid of doing and try to face them.

5)think of things you want to improve about yourself and learn how to.

6)think of things you always wanted to learn how to do and try one of them.

7)look for classes at your local parks and rec department or community college

[Mystik]

Newmama, that is the success story I hope for, minus the other boyfriend for me. Right now I can't see myself with anyone but H.

My former SIL (step-brother's ex-wife) told me that I would be glad I went through this. To that I say Really? I'm going to be glad that my husband, the man who swore he would love me forever, left me and took up with another woman? What the h&ll kind of world do you live in, because I can't ever see that as being a good thing to have happen. I don't see how such a traumatic event is going to cause personal growth, right now it's just personal hell.

[newmama]

yes, it is possible to do all of these things...in a year. I did them. Well am not DONE (still am not perfect, darn it! lol!) but have adressed something in every one on the list. With a baby boy. (whose dad sees him a lot so I had time)

[Vulcanized]

I don't see how such a traumatic event is going to cause personal growth, right now it's just personal hell.

It is hell; in RL, I describe my life as a $hit sandwhich. But how on earth can you go thru something this horrendous w/o being transformed??? It's your choice whether that transformation is a positive or a negative.

[Mystik]

Good point, RNM. To go through something this hard has to cause some change in you. And I can easily see how those changes could be negative so I'll try to make them positive. Even though I have no clue yet what those changes are.

[Vulcanized]

I decided a while ago that this wasn't going to be the definitive experience in my life. I am not going to let H's A make me into a bitter, suspicious shell.

And, if somehow this actually is, then it will be the moment that I started to become a far, far, far better person than I would have otherwise.

[Abbey]

Mystik... back to the one minute and 5 minute rule.

Some ideas to see what might pull you into new places to explore:

You have to do groceries anyway... so go and hit the magazine isle. Let yourself be attacked to whatever color or pictures on the front capture you.

The magazine isle has every possible guilty pleasure possible. Pick one up... flip through it. (I bet you'll probably blow 5 minutes on this exercise.)

Same thing with the library. (It was a place I loved.) I would go to the decorating book section. Bright pretty pictures, etc etc. Suddenly you've burned off 30 minutes and you know what?... you survived those minutes doing something for YOU.

*hugs*
Abbey

[Mystik]

Had therapy tonight, it went ok. She wants me to turn my focus from myself to DS. I need to start interacting with him more, taking him fun places like the park and just be more involved with him.

I just feel so incompetent right now. I'm crying more than I should, feel helpless as to how to stop that from happening. I'm afraid that whatever I do try to do, I'm going to screw it up somehow. Really though, how do you screw up a trip to the park? I'm not sure but I'm afraid that I'll find out. I need to work on feeling more competent, more capable of doing things without assistance from anyone else.

[newmama]

Really though, how do you screw up a trip to the park? I'm not sure but I'm afraid that I'll find out.

Mystik- your antidepressants meds ARE NOT WORKING! This is a huge indication of depression on top of the crying! Guilt and feelings of self worthlessness are on the list!

I need to work on feeling more competent, more capable of doing things without assistance from anyone else.

Awesome- your first self improvement/GAL goal!

Darn it though...I hope I am not "assisting" you with this suggestion for jazzing up a trip to the park.... You can have your DS to a timed relay something like

"In 2 minutes, you are supposed to swing 10 times,hop on your foot from the swing to the play structure, go down the slide and cross the monkey bars. Ready? Set? GO!"

you can also do relay of crab walk, skipping, sprinting, etc.

Does your DS have any friends? COuld you invite one to come play with him at the park? The 2 would be able to occupy each other and take the pressure off of you.

Oh and please consider what I said about your anti-ds!

[Vulcanized]

Had therapy tonight, it went ok. She wants me to turn my focus from myself to DS. I need to start interacting with him more, taking him fun places like the park and just be more involved with him.

This sounds like a good idea. I'm sure when you interact w/S you feel good. It's hard to be terribly sad around small fries.

I just feel so incompetent right now. I'm crying more than I should, feel helpless as to how to stop that from happening. I'm afraid that whatever I do try to do, I'm going to screw it up somehow. Really though, how do you screw up a trip to the park? I'm not sure but I'm afraid that I'll find out. I need to work on feeling more competent, more capable of doing things without assistance from anyone else.

You are NOT incompetent. You are going thru the a terrible, terrible life experience. Of course you are devastated. How could it possibly be any other way? If you need to cry a billion tears, then that is what you have to do. Until you get to the last one, you aren't done.

You are a compassionate, capable woman. You aren't going to "screw up". You are raising you S, taking care of yourself and home in the face of tremendous adversity. Give your self a bit of kindness; you are doing the best you can do at this moment, with the circumstance at hand.

I find when I tell myself 'I can't ...', it feeds off itself and builds and builds. But when I say 'I can ... ' the same thing happens.

You can, and will come thru this. You will be a better, stronger Mystik at the end of this journey.

(((Mystik)))