Quote: what i learned from my m was that i'm not worth anything.
Explain the thought process that got you to that conclusion.
i always felt i gave a lot and received little in return. i wanted to be loved so badly by my h and felt i had to earn it. i didn't feel love even during intimacy. i felt like i was there for one purpose only. as soon as he was satisfied, i was not needed anymore. from the remarks he would make on how he cared about how his parents felt if he ever died. he wouldn't think of me or how i would feel. i was always told to be independent. don't nag call me. i once called him and he answered with "is this a nag call?" i don't call him half as much as most spouses do. i don't even call on a daily basis. when i do call, i listen to him talk endlessly about how his day went. he wouldn't even ask how my day went. over time, i never called for fear of being labelled "needy" or "clingy". i was also told that the only time he would be there for me is if i ended up in a hospital. otherwise, he didn't need to hear from me. i watched him be so loving to his parents and he was not loving that way towards me. i tried showing every LL to get a reaction from him. in the end, i felt like i was begging to be loved by him. i'm here in a city where it's just him and me. and the only person who's family to me .. doesn't care. that's how you know, you don't matter. when the only person who is family to you, doesn't even want to know if you're okay.
Quote:
Peel back the layers till you get to the core of the anger. Understand why you feel the way you do. Then challenge the why.
i feel the way i do because i'm not the things he has accused me of. i'm very hurt by the accusations. i have been convicted of a crime i did not commit. i was never accused of being a gold digger until the d was pushed through. a d i never wanted. i'm just protecting myself. now i have his parents pointing the finger at me. the money handling and manipulation going on between them. how he cannot see what's going on and all he can say to me is that his parents love him and they wouldn't hurt him. yeah, is that why they willingly give you money and then later on call it a loan that you owe them? just like they willingly paid for part of our wedding and now that their son has asked for a d and the money they put towards our wedding is now being called a 'loan' that has to be repaid? it's toxic. because of this d, my hard earned money that i saved and saved my entire life is in the hands of a lawyer. i can't just walk away and move on with my life. my life savings is in the hands of a lawyer. i lost my house. i lost my m. now my life savings is being used to pay for a lawyer for a d i never asked for. all for what? was there a big blow up between both sides? no. it was a one sided decision that i have to accept.
