Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Well, Whatis just had a mini-meltdown at work. I guess a few tears don't make a melt down but...I've been feeling really washed out today, lightheaded, tired and struggling through. I went to my office at lunch for a 15 min. snooze and thoughts kept going through my mind "I want to go home, to my house, to my wife, to my family!" I just feel so beat up today and alone with it. At break my co-worker and I went out for a brief walk around the block and I told him what I was feeling and I started crying. He put his arm around me and said "You're bound to have these times Whatis, you were the husband and family man, that's who you were and that was taken from you. Sure, you still have the girls every second week but it's just not the same" On the way back to work I thanked him for the ear (he's been a friend for 10 years) and said if I'd like to go for coffee after work to let him know. I think this is just one of those days, I get tired of fighting sometimes. I don't know whether the liver detox and the St. John's Wort is playing with my head, who knows. But, I'm just getting through today. I'm supposed to go to a buffet tonight with my church small group but I think I'm gonna pass. I'm just not up to it. I've got the girls tonight so maybe I'll go home, have my cry and then pick them up. This too shall pass.
Thanks Kat, I talked to my naturopath a few minutes a go and she said much of the physical symptoms I was having are definately related to the Detox, I told her about my little crying outburst and she said that Detox's can also bring up emotion. She suggested I cut back from three pills a day to two and see how I feel in a couple of days. I'm to call her back if I don't feel any better. So, it's nice to know that I'm not going crazy! She said she didn't think the SJW had anything to do with it but we probably should have started one before the other because right now my body is getting used to two new substances at the same time, which is fatiguing. When I think about it though, I've never had a meltdown since I separated with wife, and this wasn't really a meltdown. I met with my Pastor when my friends wife left him and I cried my heart out but never about myself and my loss (well, that actually was a lot about my loss, wasn't it!) . Before the separation I'd cry sometimes with a therapist and sometimes on my own. Maybe I need to cleanse myself. I was telling my friend/co-worker that Sunday I went to the Asian Festival where we used to go to as a family, and in the summer we always used to do things together every weekend, and now I look at families in the park and couples holding hands and that's not me anymore. I love summer but it brings stuff up for me. Anyway, I'm at home now so I think I'll go lie down for a bit and if I'm up to it I'll try the dinner outing, if not I won't.
So sorry you are having such a rough day buddy. Men don't like to admit it, but a good cry is sometimes just the thing to get your thoughts back in order. As long as it doesn't turn into a wallow.....
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
I know that we are all a work in progress. Not too long after the divorce, I used to see recently married couples and want to go up to her and say run away while you can! He is going to cheat on you!! Now I don't have that feeling.
So you mourn and move a little bit and mourn and move some more. Just remember that you aren't alone. Oh and here is one more hug...(((((wii)))))
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
It does take time, doesn't it ... to get used to not having what you had for years (15 years was it?). Just take it easy, and keep telling yourself that you are free of something that was not good for you. (((((wii)))))
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Hang in there wii! You're a smart and funny guy and you have lots to look forward to in terms of relationships etc. Just get through today, focus on the girls for the rest of the day. You'll feel better tomorrow.
Your friend is so right...I too was a family man, for me it was always about 'my family' never about 'me'. You wanna know something ironic? STBX knew it too...one time we had someone coming over to our house (from Canada) after we'd recently gotten back together and I asked her if the guy knew about our separation and she said he did but "he too is a family man so I'm sure he's glad to see we're back together"...
Anyway, take the kids out for icecream or something to change the mood a bit. Write back to us if you want to talk...no hugs though...we're men!
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
Thanks Mish, Kat, Being Me, and Romeo for taking the time to drop by. It's not my best day! I get frustrated at the tiredness and, of course, this is a week where I have to be on my feet three hours every day covering for absent vacationers. I've gotta go pick up the kids now at STBX's place. Am I bushed, I think tonight I take a Lorazepam (N says it's OK) and get a good nights sleep. I'll check in with you folks later...oh hell, I'll probably end up going to the dinner, knowing me!
My girls said they'd go with me tonight, that way I can cut out early! I picked up D13 and she asked how I was and I said "fine" and then I said "Actually, I'm not fine, I've had a very hard day" and I explained about the liver detox, not the other stuff! But, it just occurred to me that she is my family and if I have a hard day it's OK to say "I've had a hard day" as long as I'm not using my kids as a substitute spouse. Anyway, I asked them both if they would come with me tonight and after a little discussion, they agreed. It will be nice for my friends, who haven't met my kids, to meet them and see that Whatis actually does have a family! And if the kids are there, I have a reason to hit the road early...I'm tired.
