You "sound" good in this post. Let your thoughts devise a plan and let your passion carry you when you are tired.
coach, you are very good at "reading" into my posts.
i have been away from the boards to think about what i want. there has been some uninspiring posts and i wanted to get away from it.
half of the time, i fear for my life because my life is in my own hands. i am in control of me. many times, i feel out of control and i often have the same thoughts as 'par4me'.
the anger is still raging inside. you want to run away from it but it goes where i go. i carry it with me on a daily basis like a heavy backpack. you wonder what it would take to get rid of that feeling and sometimes you think taking your own life is the only way to stop the anger. it would stop it all. it's an attractive option.
i would never have to explain why he is no longer with me. i would never have to hear anybody tell me how they feel bad for me. it would be like closing the storybook before finding out what happens in the end. i don't want to know how it ends. it doesn't matter. it doesn't to me.
there was a fire in the office building where i worked. when we were all outside, everyone frantically called their loved ones to tell them they were okay. i had no one to call. i watched in amazement how people called their loved ones and their significant others actually cared and wanted to know that they were okay. you know, even if i was still with my h. i wouldn't have made that call to tell him that i was okay. why? because he only wanted me to call him if i was in the hospital. otherwise, he didn't need to hear that i was okay. my best friend victor said "dumped, that's not love". what i learned from my m was that i'm not worth anything.
the work that has to be done - is to get myself over this mountain of anger, and find my self-worth again.
