Suzy, thanks and you're right that I need to figure out the boundaries but it's just so hard when it comes to kids.
I know it is difficult. My initial seperation agreement had us sharing kids birthdays and even had a clause that X would spend the night on Christmas eve so that we could share Christmas morning with the kids. Sadly, he was so caught up with his OW, that he never even considered that proposal. I was a bit blind still at that point and wanted to do what was best for the kids. I had to harden up and set boundaries and create my own family with my kids, and X is not a part of it. He was too busy with his new family (OW and her kids) anyway.
What I eventually came to realize is that he did not want me as a part of his family, so I needed to do my own thing. I know at times it is hard for the kids. I threw graduation parties for my daughters and they were a little upset that I did not invite their dad and his wife.....but the realities of my situation were that we were nowhere near friends, probably never will be, and the party was a celebration for my family and friends. No one who was coming would be comfortable with them there, because they were the people who propped me up when my world shattered. So here we are 3+ years later, and we are not partof each other's lives.....and that works for me.
"You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf." Jon Kabat-Zinn
