Okay, so I'm done with my meltdown and ready to get down to business. It was a low point last night and I probably should have just gone to bed instead of posting and reading infidelity websites until I literally fell over . . .
Here's where I'm at - Need some advice:
1. Just told H I am done with contact - he contact me this H and I said "no more." We will set up visitation and he can take my daughter elsewhere. I told him I needed and deserved my own space and it's not good for me to be in contact with him. Said "I need someone who will protect my well being and you're not doing that so contact is not healthy for me." I mean the no contact this time - I just can't do it. Contact this last weekend has left me really wounded this week. I am planning to stay in our home and enforce the “no contact” boundary from here.
2. Work Exposure. Penny Tupy recommends it. Pros in my case = Pressure on the work affair would bring it to quicker end. H gets cold feet with all big decisions and tends to approach them passively - I think that even if he wanted to reconcile, the enormity of finding a new job and "starting over" would make his cutting contact with her a big obstacle for us. Exposing might make it easier for him to do the right thing. In talking with a friend who works at an accounting firm, I realized that exposure is most likely to result in them not being assigned to the same jobs as opposed to either of them getting fired. If anyone gets fired, it's likely to be her since she was his superior. My husband just got promoted today so they are now technically on the same level. Cons = If we divorce, it might put me in a compromised financial position. We can't make our house payment long term without his income so if they fire him, it would create immediate financial instability. I don't know for sure I can hang in there forever so it may be wise to contingency plan for divorce. There is also a chance that I would lose the support of his family - they might look at it like I was stupid in risking financial stability for my daughter and/or they might see it as revenge. The also might be personally embarrassed since much of my H's family works in the same field in the same area. If I do it, I will need to immediately follow up with educating them as to why I did it. If I tell them in advance that I will do it, I'm sure they will try to talk me down. The lawyer advised me not to do it, but of course he is coming from the perspective of ensuring my financial stability through divorce. Thoughts please! 3. Contact with OW. Penny Tupy recommends - would it be helpful for me to put pressure on relationship by contacting her and using Penny Tupy's script?
