4-5 times wouldn't be bad. On the day after, when you just wanted to cuddle, what if your H felt aroused from the cuddling and wanted an O? Would you ask "Again?" or say "That's too much!", or would you accomodate him enthusiastically, or something in between?
I have heard other people who had great long term sexual marriages that each partner RARELY turned the other person down, and each partner often initiated. To me, that just sounds like fantasy.
I'm familiar with many of the roadblocks to mutually satisfying sex. As a new mother, there were times I was too exhausted (and over-touched by needy kids) to contemplate anything in bed except trying to get (inadequate) sleep before someone called for me. There were times when I felt that the memories of my sexual abuse, which were flooding my mind whenever we had sex, meant that my H ought to put my needs as a victim over his as a sexual being.
There were times I was in the mood, and something he said or did would make me feel as though he was just acting out of lust, not love, and I'd be physically unable to continue. Most of all, when he wasn't meeting my need to feel loved, it created such a deep, unexpressed anger towards him. Then, when his mother died and he slipped into a depression and MLC, he became cold, critical and withdrawn, and acted as though any sex was just for physical release.
The thing is, almost nobody KNOWS how to be married--or how to have mutually satisfying, connected sex. These are things we can only learn as we mature and come to accept and understand ourselves. I don't regret the SSM years as wasted, because my H and I are now growing into the sexual beings we'd like to be--and I wouldn't trade this time for anything.
So the long answer to your question is, no, if my H felt aroused by the cuddling and wanted an O, we would, playfully, creatively, satisfyingly, get him there. We rarely turn each other down, barring migraines, etc. But it's taken a lot of hard work, introspection and change to get us to this point. A good sex life, like anything else worth having, does not come easy.
"A good sex life, like anything else worth having, does not come easy." - sometimes you have it, its your job not to screw it up.
