It appears as though she feels she needs to proceed with the court date, but still wants to hang on to the possibility of us reconciling. I'm not saying that it's not possible for us to reconcile during the D process, but the logic on her part just doesn't seem logical.
I haven't chimed in for a while because you were happy enough to continue doing what you had always been doing without listening to the advice.
Observe reality.
She isn't logical. Who said she was?!
You are applying your male logic to her female emotions, that never works, I'm sure I mentioned this to you before.
Hold on to the date.
That date works for you too now.
How long have you been at this?
Once that date happens, you pull back, you let go, you detach. You are mean, punitive, angry or resentful, you just let go.
No more switching homes or any other such nonsense, once custody and all the details are worked out, you tell her you will be living in that home and she will be living where she is living and the kids will just have to get used to going back & forth between the two locations, just something they need to get used to doing when you guys eventually divorce.
If she gets angry at you and claims you're negating all your changes and hard work you tell her that she has admitted to you that she isn't 100% herself, a relationship has to be mutually beneficial, you can't just put in 100% effort and expect nothing from her, you would resent her eventually because she hasn't done anything, even if you say you won't resent her now, trust me, you would, its human nature, no one does something for nothing forever, we want to be rewarded for our efforts, without reward you will quit doing what you're doing.
You'll start limiting contact with her, you will let her take care of herself and the kids when she has them, you'll stop yourself from rescuing her or feeling bad for her, time to be put on her BGP's as Greek would say (big girl panties) and let her deal with the consequences of her actions & decisions.
Someone who admits that they aren't 100% but is still willing to make decisions that adversely affect your life as well as the lives of your children can't be reasoned with, they're in their world, a place I like to call "Planet Fruitopia" and you can't get them to come back to Earth/Reality any sooner, it's up to them. Let her go, she doesn't have your best interested at heart, she isn't committed 110% wholeheartedly to fixing your relationship and she isn't working hard like you are working yet she holds you to this high standard that she can't hold herself to, that's a double standard and that isn't fair.
Let her go, stop fighting, stop everything, the next time she sits on your lap, you will do something counter-intuitive, you will ask her to get up, you don't feel comfortable with her sitting on your lap considering everything that's been going on, you've been doing some thinking and you've decided that you don't know how you feel about all of this anymore either, life is short, life is precious and you are wasting a lot of time in this process. You don't want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with you and you have a lot more thinking to do, again, you're not sure if you want any of this anymore.
Time to call game over, she want know what she had until she's lost it.
