I am newbie and not too familiar with all these posts. I have my basic story in “We’re separated, what now” (Lenwithoutlove, Is there hope?). My BIG question is to all out there, HAS ANY SPOUSE EVER COME HOME (back to the marriage) and how long did it take and was it a slow process ( the coming back), or did they come home crying? I need to hear some positive results, please
You realize this is a loaded question? The answers you want are definitely out there, but so many things hinge on how things were done.
I'm not there... yet. But I hope to be. My own Mr. Wonderful is a WAH, who left on 1/5/03. From where we were then to where we are now, there is a world of difference.
I believe with all my heart and soul that this can happen, otherwise I wouldn't be here. And neither would most of the other people who post here. It requires a huge commitment to change. This is difficult, because for a period of time (some longer than others) it means doing things for the right reason and not getting postive feedback from your spouse.
That being said...
I have 3 couples as mentors in my own journey. They are all back together again:
Couple #1 are actually Mr. W's friends from college. They were separated twice, for a total of 2 years. They had been married for 22 years when she walked out.
Couple #2 are friends of mine--they just celebrated their 46th anniversary last month. They were separated for 10 months.
Couple #3 represent the ultimate story in God's grace and forgiveness. They were high school sweethearts who had been married for over 20 years when he walked. They ultimately divorced. However, during their time apart, they both reevaluated things. She had really begun to move on when he decided to pursue her like she had never been pursued. He won her heart back and they remarried 3 years ago.
They have told me countless times that the experience was a very drastic way to effect change, and they wish they had done the work when they were called to make changes. They also say that the lesson will always remain right behind them--as it encourages them to always work with each other and not against each other.
I'm sure many people here know other "success" stories. But IMHO, success can only be achieved if you are willing to do the work. Most of the time, it's a game of patience and learning how to not push buttons that bring you down cheeseless tunnels.
I have done nothing harder in my life than remain married. Since I raise a disabled daughter, I can tell you that staying married to Mr. Wonderful is more difficult than that, but I truly believe that he's worth the effort.
I wish you your own personal success story.
Underdog
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Welcome len, Ive been here for about 3 weeks now. WAW left me on 10/20. She came back home on 11/07. We still have a long way to go, but it's promising. It can happen, especially if you take care of YOURSELF, DB your but off, and take to heart the advice you get here. There's some really insightfull people here who are in the same situation.
Oh yeah, it happens. This is the thread to be on if your working towards reconciliation. It's not easy. We want to get them home and most times that's when the hardest work begins. Trust, communication, mutual respect-all have to be rebuilt no matter how bad you both want it to work. If you can make it through the hard times of waiting for them to want to come home again-your on your way. My H came home once and left again, and now we are back together but he has not moved back home. We are working things out. I have to work through alot of my fears and remember to not sabotage our R by acting out on those fears. Coming here, we all work on these issues together and learn from one another. Welcome, and I hope we can be helpful! Rachael
I have a positive story to tell you. 25 years ago my parents got divorced because my dad was having an affair. A year and a half later my parents remarried. Their marriage since the divorce has been great and they are unbelievably happy. They are my hope and inspiration that I can repair my marriage.
