You realize this is a loaded question? The answers you want are definitely out there, but so many things hinge on how things were done.
I'm not there... yet. But I hope to be. My own Mr. Wonderful is a WAH, who left on 1/5/03. From where we were then to where we are now, there is a world of difference.
I believe with all my heart and soul that this can happen, otherwise I wouldn't be here. And neither would most of the other people who post here. It requires a huge commitment to change. This is difficult, because for a period of time (some longer than others) it means doing things for the right reason and not getting postive feedback from your spouse.
That being said...
I have 3 couples as mentors in my own journey. They are all back together again:
Couple #1 are actually Mr. W's friends from college. They were separated twice, for a total of 2 years. They had been married for 22 years when she walked out.
Couple #2 are friends of mine--they just celebrated their 46th anniversary last month. They were separated for 10 months.
Couple #3 represent the ultimate story in God's grace and forgiveness. They were high school sweethearts who had been married for over 20 years when he walked. They ultimately divorced. However, during their time apart, they both reevaluated things. She had really begun to move on when he decided to pursue her like she had never been pursued. He won her heart back and they remarried 3 years ago.
They have told me countless times that the experience was a very drastic way to effect change, and they wish they had done the work when they were called to make changes. They also say that the lesson will always remain right behind them--as it encourages them to always work with each other and not against each other.
I'm sure many people here know other "success" stories. But IMHO, success can only be achieved if you are willing to do the work. Most of the time, it's a game of patience and learning how to not push buttons that bring you down cheeseless tunnels.
I have done nothing harder in my life than remain married. Since I raise a disabled daughter, I can tell you that staying married to Mr. Wonderful is more difficult than that, but I truly believe that he's worth the effort.
I wish you your own personal success story.
Underdog
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
