Since both your stories are about the same, I will address you both equally here...
You both do the same thing I used to do...You are reading into each and every thing that your H says and does, if you let it, it will consume you...
Easier said than done, however you need to change your perspective and put the focus back on you and your children...
Lay your boundaries...
Both your spouses want space, give it to them in spades. Give them so much space they start to wonder what you are up to...
I have 2 boys so I know it is hard, if at all possible when your H walks in, you walk out...Even if you are just going to sit in the center of the mall, he doesn't need to know that...To him you are busy and have things to do, a life to get.
Act as if...
He may wonder or he may not, however eventually you will see the focus will turn back to where it needs to be and you will be better for it.
