Need a Plan for My Marriage

[LSG]

IDU,

She has got to me real bad. I am so emotional about everything today.

The story starts while we were having a shower. I would have done anything to win her heart again. I told her I would not be around either way. I had not eaten for 5 days at the time because I hurt so bad from finding about the affair and her telling me she was no longer in love with me. I did not know about this forum at the time.

Anyways, I did not say much at the time, but I started to play to the feelings she was showing me. I let the story about want would happen to me if our R failed. She started to feed off my information, and I added to it "that I was not going to make it one way or another."{ I let imply what I meant which was not really true. But she thought the worst. I did not give details at the time until a day or two later when she was pushing for more specifics, and I said a lot of stupid things. They were very far fetched. She did not want me to be out the kid's lives. I never planned to. I planned to end this story because I made a lot of mistakes, but she seemed to be caring for me. I ended it as soon as possible. She thinks what I said questions what type of father would do these kind of things. I would never do anything that would hurt my kids. It was just a story that I told because I did not know what to do to keep my M to the only woman I have ever loved.

I do want to give specifics yet, but It was really ludicrous. I knew at the time I should not have done it, but I was really hurting and scared to lose my W and kids. I thought that I was not good enough for her, and she should have the kids at the time. I thought that the kids should be with their mother because that was the way things were when I was a kid.

I was desparate at the time.

I am not the same person, and I do not know how to tell her. I cannot go back and change the past. All I can do is change now and what I do in the future for me and the kids.

Is there anything I can do? Can anyone help?

Please do not criticise me anyone even if I deserve it. I cannot bear the thought of what I did then. It is not me now.

I do not want this moment of weakness to shape what will happen with kids in our D. I wish I could tell her the truth too because maybe it would save our M, then again maybe not.

I am just in a difficult situation at the moment with no easy answers to do the right thing. I just need to move forward and not back. I want to tell her so bad. I plan to talk to an attorney, and to find out what the implications will be in my D.

That is all I can say for now.

What I say here is the hard truth about everything in my sitch too.