How to tell the kids

[dday101798]

, but all I can do is love them at this point. That is partly why it is hard to be "gone" at night when they are around.

And that is why you find something to do with them. I should also say, document it as well, what you do, where you went, what you spent. (your attorney should have advised you of this already. Along with no booze!)

Can I ask that since you and your W are now back together, was it worth the work and the wait? Two years is an awful long time and to hear that she continues to question your love is heart-wrenching.

Let me say, my (x)W, even tho she still loved me all along, did some very vile, nasty, horrible, truly dispicable things to desimate me. We live(d) in a very tight nit community. She made a spectacle out of her A. Ironically, that ended up being the very demise and eye opener for her as to what is right and wrong.

Was it worth the 'work and wait'. I stopped waiting. For a long time, I wasn't working for it anymore. When she came around finally, I wsa smack dab in the middle of deciding who of 3 possibilites was to be my first attempt at a serious new relationship. I was done. Yeah, I still loved her too, she was my wife of 10 years, and would always be the mother of my children, but this ship had sat in harbour damaged for long enough, and it was time to sail out to sea. I became the WAS.

That said. We do have a better relationship than ever before now. She questions me sometimes becuase she knows as I told her in the beginning, I didn't have to take her back after all she had done. She knows what she had done struck me down to the core. But she also knows, I am a changed man, forever. A better man, forever. Before when she would get in a mini depression like this morning and be grumpy and hostile with me, I would have just walked away and not want to deal with it, didn't understand her. Today, I assured her, that just because we aren't going like bunny rabbits for a few days doesn't mean I love her any less than anyother day, simply, we are going through some changes in lifestyle and are tired and cranky. We were pretty heavy smokers and liked to sit back with a few drinks every night and talk about our days. Well, now, she's pregnant and can't do that, which makes me, pregnant and can't do that. And in saying that, she lit up, knowing my changes are for real and are a permanent fixture in my style of life.

We are in this together. And that's what a true partnership is, togetherness, when one person is down, the other picks them up and the team socres another victory, win or lose.

We (all) live as if there is now tomorrow. Another case in point, Sunday. S12 asked to play catch with the football for a bit. I was again tired and cranky and said "not right now". (x)W was right there in the background and as he walked away disappointed, I sensed it and remembered, I am not guarenteed tomorrow, and today all he would do is retreat to the TV, and said, "yeah what the heck, let's go". It was then I realized (x)W was there in the background, and she had a smirk of glea for my realization, then proceeded outside with us and sat in a chair and watched.

It's all the little things Dan. It's all the little thing you haven't been doing. Your programing has caught a virus after years of repitition and routine. The time ahead of you, while your wife sorts herself out, is the time for you to reboot and reinstall the program. And it's those little things that will win in the end.