Just so y'all know ... I am the one that brought up the issue of separating/divorce. I finally sent him that email. My H did not fight against it though. I guess, I am a WAW now. Never thought it would happen, but there you are, leave a flower dry long enough and it will die.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
I don't consider you a WAW. You are a human being who has dealt w/a lot of stuff over the years and your h is lost in the land of MLC/depression and can't seem to find his way out. You've done all you can do for him, the marriage and now you have to look out for you.
If you allow his depression to bring you down into the dark pit w/him, you'll never get out. You are doing what is right for you and you only. Many of us have been right where you are now...
Please take care of yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I just realized that all H's excuses/reasons manifested itself around 2 years after we moved here to make a new start (certainly the issues with D23). Except our R - the problems there got dragged along with us. So I think he was never going to do anything about it. A strong M would've withstood the issues he has brought up ... ya know, the united we are stronger scenario. That is what I had hoped for in coming out here, to give him the opportunity to prove he could do it (make the changes), prove he can be trusted. I am still amazed he went into counselling, and I didn't know. I guess he only went once, and expected all problems to be solved from that meeting.
There's probably no point in trying to analyze his email to me. He says he will be fair, will support me as a friend with my health, and I will hold him to that. Although, he often promises things and doesn't keep them. So, we will see.
I am wondering whether we should tell the children. There would have to be some explanation since I want him to move out of our bedroom. I guess we can talk about it after the doctor's appointment tomorrow.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
BM, I hope your appt went well, sending cyber boosts to you.
Your H almost sounds relieved in his email that you initiated a discussion about calling it quits. If he has always been the type to bottle things inside then most likely he has no clue how to handle your illness and he feels better to be done.
I hope you keep kicking butt on your illness and then kick up your heels in good health!
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Thanks everyone. Yes, I kicked butt ... there is no sign of the tumour, and doc has put me on yearly MRI's instead of the 6 monthly ones. Yessssss! Apparently, the dye they inject into your veins is quite heavy on one's kidneys, so they don't like to do them too often. But, they will keep an eye on the kidneys too. Miracles do happen, and I feel this is one.
Yeah, I also thought my H is finding it hard to support me in the way I need, and that he is probably relieved to "just be friends". We chatted on the way home (it's a 2 hour drive to the city where the doctor is) about his issues, and how we will go about the getting the S. It's going to be in stages because we have to get our house sold in order for me to buy a smaller place, and he doesn't need a place now since he can travel from job to job. I don't mind. As I said to him, I have no emotional feelings for him, so am very comfortable with him in the house. I like him as a person, and find I can be friends with him. I told him if he ever meets anyone sometime, then he can just get the D going, and I'll be happy to comply. We will tell the children when the house goes up for sale, or thereabouts.
He is worried and depressed about his parents deteriorating health, and ages, and being so far away from them. He was worried about us too, so now he has two things less to worry about ... my health and our R. I can't do anything about his other issues. And, I think there are things he is not disclosing, but quite honestly, once we have a SA in place, I really won't care, except as a friend and a concerned co-parent.
So, I think I will encourage him to get an official SA settled, then we can live as friends and parents then move on once the house is sold. It's actually quite a relief for me too. Just to be done.
Again, thanks for all the good thoughts, prayers, etc.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
