QS... this is NOT the time to be asking your wife out.. that does DAMAGE.. ok?
Just change yourself and her environment for the better and wait for her to come to you... If you try to force her by inviting her at all it sets you back WEEKS.. ok?
You found a family counsellor? Ist here info online about this person?
Other advice?
Try to turn the house into a palace while she's gone.. surprise her
Also, its good when your wife is uncooperative with you in public.. it gets YOU points and it also undoes any effort she made to win people over to her divorce campaign...
I would suggest YOU arrange a July 4 party at YOUR home if its suitable... invite her family there and try to have another event like yesterday...
I get what you are saying Allen. But what I got from DR in detachment while still living together, is to treat them sort of like a roommate you moderately like.
All I was doing was being polite when she asked me what my July 4th plans were. I said "XXXXXXX". Moment of awkward silence and a strange look on her face. "Well, you are welcome to come down with me...."
Her: "Oh no thanks". ------------------------------------------- Anyway, I had another question. I was thinking about certain tactics that are used to give away information that is desired to be known BUT WITHOUT leading on you WANT them to know.
I am getting she still THINKS I am trying to "save" the Marriage. I am NOT. The OLD MARRIAGE is over, and I'd like the opportunity to build a NEW one. However, I do have to prepare for the eventuality that this won't work. She I gather is thinking I am just burying my head in the sand about it. That is one of her "Oh I know him so well" things.
So for a 180, I was thinking of doing some more real homework on apartments, new jobs, and many other different things. Maybe print out an email or two I have sent looking for houses.
Leave it laying on the kitchen table with the very top paper being this real email I got about a potential STEAL of a condo 15 miles away.
Basically I want to make it look like I left in a hurry to go see it (which actually I REALLY do in all honesty), and left everything there. I want her to SEE how seriously I am taking this, and how prepared I am to move on should she keep all this up.
We have to live together because of finances, but I found out in my state a spouse can leave the house during a separation, and NO LONGER be financially responsible for the mortgage. I want her to taste the full weight of the consequences of her actions, and be ready to accept that in 6 weeks I may have a nice, CHEAPER place to live where she will be out of my life.
Like you said Allen, the gravity of the divorce probably hasn't FULLY sunk in, and I'd like to to a 180 and let her feel the gravity at the same time.
NOW THIS IS JUST AN IDEA I AM THROWING OUT. I wanted some opinions, so don't think I am going to just do this. Any advice is appreciated.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
It may work, it may validate to her to follow through on the divorce.. its a gamble... I am not saying no, but it is a switch of gears.. we only pic up a small bit of the situation on this forum and you are in the thick of it, yoru judgement would certainly be best here...
What are the legal ramifications of you moving out? Does that mean she can be owner of the home? Be fully aware of the legal implications of you changing residences... even if you DON"T move you want to know in case SHE knows.. you dont' want her knowing somthing you don't about the law and calling your hand here...
Oh I know they can lie. But SHE didn't apparently know that you can't check the "Married/Separated" box. She went through the WHOLE profile setup thing, and then got the "Sorry you are Married" webpage. Now the email address she used to register with can't re-used for like 3 months.
I really feel like a dodged a big bullet last night. But there may be 50 more coming my way. It is really hard with her being away and having limited control of I can intercede with things like this.
We did talk on the phone last night, and the conversation was very civil and there was no tension. That is a step. Last time she was away we didn't talk once. And she said she would call me tonight. Now our marriage counselor did suggest we talk more in a civil manner to help ease tensions, but she is actually fol through with it. This is definitely a step, I hope....
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
