Hi Karen I cant use the credit card ,my H watches the accounts like a hawk.He'd be suspicious, so I have to order it from the local bookstore The one friend that I do confide all my woes to doesnt have a credit card, I thought of maybe asking my parents, and paying them back, they just have serious issues with using cards online..but maybe I should ask anyway. I also have a problem with my post box, and can only really recieve things counter to counter (post office collection) - would that be possible? I'm in South Africa..
As for my sitch. H came by last night to bath S4, we are pleasant and comfortable as usual. He mentioned that his apartment lease (lives 5 mins away) will come to an end. Ofcourse my heart flutters hoping to hear something along the lines of 'maybe I should move back' - didnt show an once of it to him though, just stayed neutral. Set myself up really, cause then he said he's going to start renting a house closer to his work (bigger), further away.
This made me a bit sad (didnt show it tho),just went with the flo. It means he'll probably see S4 less , and it means he's settling in to the new lifestyle of being with out me/us more comfortably, more sustainable.
He said he wanted more space, to be closer to work, and to the forest he mountain bikes in.
He's looking for a different life. A new lifestyle I think. A happier one.
I just dont see how someone can change their desires after 12 years together. Thats almost half my life weve been together...
I suppose I should be grateful its not 20 years or longer...
Only positive signs I've seen from him is, more kind acts towards me, spending more time with Son, not being as agitated/irritated.
I battle with what to do here, be friends or go dark. He obviously cares for me a great deal still, just not in love anymore, and he says he doesnt want to lose me.
I cant use the credit card ,my H watches the accounts like a hawk.He'd be suspicious, so I have to order it from the local bookstore 
The one friend that I do confide all my woes to doesnt have a credit card, I thought of maybe asking my parents, and paying them back, they just have serious issues with using cards online..but maybe I should ask anyway. I also have a problem with my post box, and can only really recieve things counter to counter (post office collection) - would that be possible? I'm in South Africa..