Man, detaching is sooo simple. Once you get it. Note I didn't say it was easy. But it is simple. Simply stated it is The concept that because you cannot control anybody else, there is no need to let what they do have an effect on you. And all our friend here seems to do is watch her every move, and react (not respond).
My advice mirrors the others. Get away from this woman. She's bringing you down. She's a "bummer, man." I don't think you need to bust anything. Let her go. Obviously do whatever is best for the children. It's just that simple. Don't complicate it with anything. And how do you help the Children first. By putting your mask on first. Just like on the airplane! Put your mask on first then assist those around you. Why because you are useless if you aren't sane. And it sounds to me like you are a fireball of emotions and panicky reactions. Take a deep breath, focus on inner mindfulness, then protect the kids. Simple.
Me 42/ W 40 /S 16 Married 15 Bomb dropped 11/18/2009 Nuke dropped 12/7/2009 EA/likely PA confirmed and busted 2/28/2010 Still separated in the same house and cant wait for this to end 5/8/2012
Allen thanks for the followup. I do realize that emotions are a major reason she started to lose attraction, and it something I am working on. I dont want to be a hothead nor controlling, or even to get mad and not use logic in my situation.
Everyone is saying drop the rope etc.. Dont worry busting it, she is nuts. I know that i do need to let go, but how do I non-chalantly attack this affair? Its my life and well, id like to fight for my marriage whatever way seems fit, and also make sure my DD 1 is protected.
DD1 of course is my main focus and will continue to be. I still havent gone down to file a new complaint, and well maybe Ill just go the easy route and let CPS know about OM being around during visits as this would likely not result in any jail time or court appearances for her other then the family court case.
In my situation I know protecting DD1 is 1st. GAL and 180 second, fixing my issues third. So, if it were up to you how would ya handle things moving forward.
I read the article from SYM the PDF you posted and well the LRT letter seemed like a good thing and something Id consider sending after no-contact is dropped.
Opinions?
M 36 W 29 Together 2 1/2 years married 14 months Daughter 15 months Bomb 4/22/10 Separated since 4/25/10 OM 6/10/10 Hopeful, but moving on
You need to walk away, protect your daughter and yourself.
If anybody is going to contact anyone, your STBXW should contact you, and then you should get off the phone ASAP if she is disresptectful.
Seriously. You need to walk away for NOW. You probably will need to stay away for months. I don't know how long, but you should definitely not contact her when you are like you are now when she is like she is.
Last edited by TimeHeals; 06/28/1010:25 PM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
I agree with TH... shut this woman out... find or hire an intermediary to handle all necessary contact for your DD... do NOT engage this woman in ANY way for at LEAST six months.. change your email, phone, etc.. all of it...
Give your wife an email and phone she can contact that is NOT yours.. hire a service if you have to... get someone ELSE who is OBJECTIVE to negotiate visitation and all that other stuff...
if your wife comes NEAR your home in a threatening way or has you get a PO out on her... PERIOD
You keep going soft on your wife and she's NOT going to come back as LONG as you are playing softball... she has no respect for you and will NOT have respect for someone who keeps allowing her to spit on them...
Once you put yoru wife in her PLACE she will BEGIN to respect you and after six months or so of you KEEPING her away UNTIL she shows respect she MAY consider returning...
Right now you are just a doormat to her
If you want her to come back.... YOU need to REMOVE her from your life UNTIL she starts showing respect to everyone involved...
Respect comes first, THEN your wife.. you need to put her out in the cold for six months ... NO CONTACT at ALL
THEN have a third party test the waters and evaluate if she might be healty enough for you to contact her
Allen's advice above is sound. Get someone else to deal with her. No contact means NO CONTACT. You or her for any reason. This is for your benefit. You can then find some peace after getting off her crazy train. This also means no indirect contact. Others telling you what is going on with her, checking her fb account, etc, is contact.
Whomever is fostering your D should be the ones reporting her questionable company when she visits D. Are these visits supervised? If not, that should be investigated (by the family court/ your attny.)
As things are going now, you are feeding her instability. Get off the train!! Make yourself a no drama zone. Most of the affair-busting on this board involves partners who are living together. You are at the no contact point in Tough Love.
"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!" 1st thread
Someone I dont know who, could be OM or even WAW is sending me very crazy messages on email and chat.
The message was that the divorce will happen soon, and that DD1 may not be mine?? They said i would have to take a DNA test, and that whomever this person was will be moving my WAW and baby away to another state?!?!!
I dunno if this was WAW or OM? But this crap is getting ridiculous. I will be reporting this to CPS, Courts, and telling my L.
Puppy,
I know its wisdom. I guess i must learn patience and focus on my changes and DD1.
In the meantime if I did decide to date would that be a bad thing? I miss the company of a woman, and well I feel like if one came along some dating could be enjoyable.
Would this be counterproductive?
M 36 W 29 Together 2 1/2 years married 14 months Daughter 15 months Bomb 4/22/10 Separated since 4/25/10 OM 6/10/10 Hopeful, but moving on
