One day at a time....

[rockedworld]

Time for an update.

Well folks, I am not sure I will be a DB success story after all.

We have had our piecing ups and downs since December. It has not been easy, that's for sure... but there were a lot of promising signs, especially in the beginning.

But, as time has gone on, my H has become less and less motivated to do his part to restore this M. He has become more and more self absorbed. He is doing his IC. He started taking AD meds but then stopped.

But, he refuses MC. I have asked him to read books, and gave him a copy of NJF which has not been cracked open. I have asked him to initiate spending time together or contacting me. Nothing. He avoids me. I've asked for help with the finances. Nothing.

So, I've been getting stronger. I've been setting boundaries. He has pretty much decided he is not willing to meet them. He is gone this week for business again. I told him what I need (the above) and asked him to think about it over the week. If he is not willing to do these things, we will discuss separation when he returns.

It is possible I may not be a M success story. But, my friends, I KNOW that I am a personal success story. I am growing by leaps and bounds in my sense of self worth and confidence, what I will tolerate or not tolerate in any relationship, and all other areas of my life.

My H has a chance to step up. If he chooses not to, I choose to do what I need to for myself and my kids. There is no shame in that and I know I have done everything I could and then some to save this M. My conscience is clear and my head is held high.

So, I feel sad today, but still strong.

I will update where we go from here.....

[courageous wife]

(((RW)))

I am so sorry to read about your R with your H but am still inspired at your courage and strenght and determination to work on your M but most of all YOU!!! You have been an inspiration to many on these boards!!!

Hopefully your H will do some soul searching while he is gone!

[avermont]

yeah, wow, ruled. I'm so sorry to hear that H isn't stepping up and working on your M.

You have worked so hard, and been such an inspiration to all of us here.

It's wonderful that you know how much YOU have grown, and what you need for yourself and the kids.

Keep us posted. Sending love and support...

[rockedworld]

Thank you CW and Aver! Your words are so appreicated! :)I will keep you posted.

[Butterfly1]

I too am both saddened to hear this but very proud of you for being strong and taking care of yourself. You are still an inspiration - for self worth and confidence. Keep us posted.

[maple]

Ruled, I often wondered how it was going with you. I am sad to hear about your R. Your strength and positive attitude is admired.

[pearlharbr]

Hey Ruled, I responded to you on my thread. Just wanted to add that I definitely think you're doing the right thing. I'm still undecided with BF and he did all the right things at the beginning. I can't imagine trying without the WAS's full cooperation and support.

If H is unwilling to be the partner you need, want, and deserve then you are right to move forward without him. I am certain you will be happy either on your own (with the kids) or will find someone who does want to be a true partner.

[rockedworld]

Thank you Hope, Maple and Pearl. I appreciate your support!
It is sad, there was so much potential there in the beginning. Today has been a difficult day and I may post more details at another time after I've processed some things.

But for now it is helpful to know my DB friends are always there. And I am still feeling strong and ruling my own life.

Pearl, thank you for your affirmation. I know you understand a lot about what I may be struggling with. Your perspective is always helpful and yes, I do know how to reach you. Thank you my friend.

[Deep]

(((RW)))

I don't know how this will pan out, whether this will be another down period you'll look back on long in the future while still with your H, or an important turning point in the evolution of the amazing woman we know as RW.

"Not a success story"? Who are you kidding? There's much anyone can learn from you about forming healthy, fulfilling relationships in a meaningful life. That includes the strength and courage to recognise when a relationship in your life is not positive, even destructive, despite your best efforts to work at it.

In my thoughts. Still and always.

[flowmom]

(((RW)))

I am sorry that your H is not stepping up to the plate, how disappointing .

And proud of you that you value yourself enough to expect what you deserve from marriage. We all see the personal growth and integrity that you've shown.

Wishing you strength in the week ahead...