I don't know if they are placating us, but my WH was also keeping the tiniest glimmer of hope open for the future. The very rare comment like "we never know what is going to happen".
it's because there is a tiny fear in their minds that dont know for sure... how can you make such rash decisions so quickly, huge decisions nonetheless!
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so best not to put too much value on that stuff.
I'm not... dont want to hear the words... need to see him bending over backwards for me to take him back! I love my H (pre alien state of mind) and would take him back in a heart beat, but i do have my short and sweet list and he will have to work hard to be back as my H in my life. So words are not enough!
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My WH admitted that he thought having kids might change him and us, make us happier.
So sad i asked H if this was the case with him, he says no, but how am i to believe anything he says or ever said!
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Great all the furniture has arrvied. You are going to be a lovely mum, BD, I can sense it. And your boy is going to have an incredible extended family, by the sounds of it. No matter what happens, I know you are going to be fine. You are passionate and have lots of love to give...good things will come your way. I hope it's your WH, but if not, it's HIS loss.
I don't know if they are placating us, but my WH was also keeping the tiniest glimmer of hope open for the future. The very rare comment like "we never know what is going to happen".
it's because there is a tiny fear in their minds that dont know for sure... how can you make such rash decisions so quickly, huge decisions nonetheless!
[quote= Piano]My WH admitted that he thought having kids might change him and us, make us happier.
So sad i asked H if this was the case with him, he says no, but how am i to believe anything he says or ever said!
This admission from WH came very late in the day. And I'm not even sure he beleive it. So you are right about being sceptical about what gets said during times like these.
BD I don't get why your H doesn't want a divorce if he doesn't want to commit to falling in love with you.
I want you to consider something. 2-3 months post birth...if your H still isn't committing to you or to divorce...be open to filing for divorce. (well maybe you have a different timeline)
I learned that filing is just an initiation. You can drop it, you can drag it out, you can proceed. It feels so final, but it isn't!
The reason why I am suggesting this in your case is that your H really does want all of you except the wife and sex (it could be related to you being pregnant though).
In your own time, you will figure out what you want. But, I think, and I could be wrong and won't feel bad if you disagree, the filing on your part could scare him into realizing he will lose you and he will come back.
People said this to me and I swore that if I did it, the stbxh would say "ok. you are right. this is best." but I don't think your H would!
However he might not believe you are serious. So just file this in the back of your mind, ok?
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
I'm also so excited for your baby to be born, BD. Any day now! Glad to hear that you are basically ready. Time traveled fast. We all met just a short while ago and now we've all almost had our babies!
BD, I'm off for a few days.. I'll be thinking of you and hoping baby comes!!!! HUGS. It will be great!
Me 36; H 40 baby born in May M:13, T:15 Bomb (OW): Dec 09 began DBing: Feb WH overseas with OW old: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2027369#Post2027369
[quote= Piano]My WH admitted that he thought having kids might change him and us, make us happier.
So sad i asked H if this was the case with him, he says no, but how am i to believe anything he says or ever said!
This admission from WH came very late in the day. And I'm not even sure he beleive it. So you are right about being sceptical about what gets said during times like these.
This is one of those instances where we shouldnt put any value into what they say... I've learned that my WH doesnt know how to answer because he knows i remember everything and 1) if he agrees with a statement like above then he is a A$$hole or b) if he doesnt, then my next question is how could you have changed your mind overnight!
BD I don't get why your H doesn't want a divorce if he doesn't want to commit to falling in love with you.
However he might not believe you are serious. So just file this in the back of your mind, ok?
i completely understand where you are coming from! And I do think there will come a time where I need to put my foot down and go for it! I originally was the one pressing for my WH to file... i told him over and over to get it done and if he didnt feel anything for me, it should be final (all before reading DB and DR and realizing you can fall out of love and back in and make your marriage better than ever). When he filed, his first response was you asked me to do it... I still hated him for it and didnt twist his arm! But I did send him the address of where to go file... now looking back... it was my stupidity! although it may have happened anyways!
NM, I think it's not that my WH doesn't want a D. I think he is scared maybe of making it final. For no other reason than bc it would be final. But I'm realizing it has nothing to do with his decision. If he was uncertain w/ his decision, who knows, wouldn't he have said something? Am seriously starting to think that he feels sorry for me maybe? And doesn't want to hurt me any more? Although at this point, what could cause more pain. Or maybe he thinks its better to wait a month after the baby is born? Or just using me to get to his son?
Regardless, I'm trying to do what's necessary to protect myself and my feelings, but having low expectations, by telling myself that I am getting divorced, its just a matter of paperwork and time. That H is still being selfish by holding off on finalizing the papers until he is in a place to do so.
But I don't doubt that this is what he wants. He clearly doesn't want to be my H, or a family with me and the baby.
I need to accept the baby will have two families. One w/ me, one with H, and that I cannot feel responsible for H's decision. I have no control over it. Sad that someone else can dictate two other's lives so profoundly.
Someone made a good point to me tonight. Said your H is obviously hiding something so huge, that he'd rather keep it to himself and hurt you so badly than to expose the truth and set you free. So where is the respect for me!!!
So I just tell myself, H is simply waiting for the birth, and to situate his own life, but regardless we are still getting D.
i asked H if this was the case with him, he says no, but how am i to believe anything he says or ever said!
