You letters made me cry. Thank you so much. I went to the doctor and got an antidepresent and xanax. I just dont understand why I cant be a decent person. I caused this. It is not a two way streak. I am crying my eyes out that you people who dont even know me seem to care. We have all been through heartache. And it is awful. I sent my wife like 8 emails last night which I i know is stupid. Here is her response-love is an action Jeff. Love means putting another person before yourself. Why are you saying these things now? Just a month ago you told me that I was going to lose you. I am crying buckets of tears. Why now? After nine years do you decide to do the right thing by me? To say all the right things and not mean a word of it! I am so pissed at you for this. We have broken up so many times and you would say what I wanted to hear and I would come running back. I would be so hopeful and then so devastated when things went right back to the way it was before. I cannot be negelected. Life is too short to love someone who constantly hurts you.-and she is exactly right. what do you guys suggest I do? She has moved 600 miles away. There is another man. I cant show her that I am changing.Hell, I havent had time change. I have read the books. I have been working on my own life. I just can't lose this person. It may be God's path for me but I just cant. The thing is I dont know that if she came back that I could treat her like I promised. For this reason I feel like a failure. I do not want to die to hurt her I just want it to kill the pain. I took 36 sleeping pills the other night and drank a liter of crown royal. what happend- went to sleep for about 4 hours and woke up and started the same ole process again about worrying about my family. No hang over just hopelessness and dispair. Life really sucks. Although this xanax is kicking in right now and i feel only a little down. Thank you guys for the responses-it means a great deal to me. I am destroyed as a person and things will not be better tommorrow or the day after or the day after.
Hey Par-
this, as well as some of the other stuff that your wife has said to you might as well have come out of my own wife's mouth-- and back in september she moved away from me and took my two 6 year old boys with her-- saying it was to "pursue a dream opportunity"... well-- they finished kindergarten and they are still there. we have a lot in common... I played golf in college and live in a golf mecca. I'm a heart surgeon here and was on the boards heavy a while back. if you are on the "alt" I'm Elwood. friend me there and we should talk.
dude I am no one to talk. but what she is doing is projecting her own emotions on to you. It is the most hurtful thing in the world. even today my wife said to me "I can't be with someone who treats me like "s#$t". Par if anything I never said no to this woman. she knows I love her more than anything (even after betraying me and treating me like a dog) but yet she says these things to justify her own actions. I have spent a year now wallowing and trying to figure it out. I'm getting to the point now where I don't think I will ever figure it out. but I promise you this. there is someone out there who will be NICE to you. someone who will cherish you. I haven't started dating yet but I'm about there. hang in there buddy. it will get better. as someone said here-- do something different. one foot in front of the other.
