Yes, get an excellent family therapist and get a hand written invite your your H...
Your H may even just be reading internet porn or something I have no idea... He's all over the place...
Just be sure most if not all of what you say is scripted by you in advance and focuses on your goals... raging an impulsive comments are common in a LBS... I don't begrudge them when they happen, but they do set you back when they happen
And if you do this for two weeks and he complies happily thinking he has you fooled you hit him again :
"Ok, this seems to give us both some more security.. how about how we share our passwords for all of our accounts?"
You tell him the deal is the same, you both share passwords for accounts and the other person can log in at any time they like...
INCLUDING his cell phone records...
BOOM!
This could get interesting! The only thing I have in the back of my mind is, I already told him weeks ago that I was "done with snooping... that I could not control him if he decided to do something detrimental to our marriage... that it was on him" wouldn't all of this contradict that? If I can find the exact email exchange, I'll post it.
Yep. And if he brings that up, you say "I know; I changed my mind."
You're allowed to do that.
Puppy
And since when am I allowed to change my mind, right?!!! (sarcasm here...of course) The poor LBS is never allowed to have thoughts, feelings, or anything else other than a poker face!!! LOL
Yes, get an excellent family therapist and get a hand written invite your your H...
Your H may even just be reading internet porn or something I have no idea... He's all over the place...
Just be sure most if not all of what you say is scripted by you in advance and focuses on your goals... raging an impulsive comments are common in a LBS... I don't begrudge them when they happen, but they do set you back when they happen
I have said some things impulsively, but thankfully I haven't done any raging. I've been pretty rational throughout most of this, I will give myself that much credit!
BUT...do you mean in therapy or just in general???
So...appointment has been made and we are definitely going to a FT who has done plenty of marriage in crisis type counseling. I made my appt separate from H's. I'm going Thursday afternoon and he is going Thursday evening.
I'm going with the "expect nothing and you won't be disappointed" attitude right now. Yes, thank God he is going to go, but I don't expect miracles overnight or anything.
I really would reccomend you put off your H's appointment until you have had a least a couple hours with this FT to test the waters... I have seen it happen time and time again people send their spouse to someone and the person says soemthing they should NOT have said and the WS walks right out the door convinced divorce is the answer...
I do have that....plenty of time to talk with her before he does. Oh, and it is the same counselor I've been going to, btw. I called and talked extensively to the office manager yesterday and the counseling center. Told her I was happy with IC but this was going to take something different. She then told me my IC was also FT. Not only that, but she is extensively involved in these 8 hour intensive marriage in crisis cases where people have already filed for divorce and everything that they do. I didn't even know they offered that. I don't think H is ready for that anyway. Point being, my IC is well equipped to deal with the situation at hand, I believe. I wasn't sure because mostly we've just been dealing with me and my GAL, 180's, etc... Having said all of that, I am going to ask today if I can email her some of the reading materials and programs I've been doing.
Today is H's birthday. This is awkward... I had the hardest time even getting a card. Just got a generic one. Not like I want to write a gushy one but I don't want to ignore it either. He said he didn't want to go out so I guess I'm going to cook a nice dinner or something. He said he doesn't want any presents because his recent trip was his present.... With 3 kids who expect a celebration it's hard to find a balance with all this. I thought I did a good job of it on Father's Day though so I guess I can pull it off again. Any suggestions?
(And of course the kids still want to get Dad something for his birthday!)
Just coming back again to add....I'm having a really rough day today, emotionally. I can't seem to stop crying and I don't know if it's the whole birthday thing or what! I have to pull myself together here though, before H gets home!!! I just feel very depressed.
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