What do I say to people who ask what is going on? That H left or that WE separated? I don't know how to handle this. He still has not told a soul except one of his brothers.
Keep in mind whatever you say may find it's way back to your kids. There are some people in my life that know that H left and it wasn't a mutual decision. My D's probably know that too, but it is not what we told them.
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Is it "normal" when going through this to "exit" the social scene for a while? I don't feel secure enough that I won't break down in public. Somedays at work I have to close my door or my secretary will redirect people so that I can regain my composure.
I didn't exit the social scene per se, I no longer dance at any of the places we used to go though. I kind of left that behind anyway, but I am every interested in getting back to it (as soon as my knee heals). I won't go to the same places though.
So, you have to close your door somedays? It will get better. You do what you have to in order to make it through the day. At least you have a door
I'm not one that thinks that every truth has to be spoken to. When we told our D's (they were 14 and 11), it was kept simple, no blame. They were told that sometimes in a marriage b/c of frustration and unhappiness couples needed to separate. That it was not thier fault and how much we love them.
I've taken criticism for it, but I am still good with the way we handled it. Do they know differently? By now (they are 18 and 15), I'm sure they have seen, heard and put alot together that hasn't been said.
Do I feel like I lied to them? No. Did thay get the whole truth? No. They don't need that. Why would my D's need to know the private stuff between me and H? Yes, they have been told some of it is private.
I have used (and continue to do so) different media to talk about alot of "grown-up" issues with my D's. Books, movies, music that I can turn into a convo about everything from divorce, separation, affairs, MLC, addiction and suicide. I know from the way they address some of the issues that they know more than I have said.
It is not my job to repair their R with their Dad. It is my job not to damage it. I just do the best I can. You will find what's right for you.
