Well here's mine

[change44]

It doesn't do any good to try to analyze your spouse's behavior right now...I've learned from my personal experience that will just end up making you feel crazy and out of control. It may be a good thing that she chose to cancel her FB account. That will cut out a lot of opportunities for connecting with other people who may not be supportive of your marriage. I think "simplifying life" sounds like a positive thing. You said you wouldn't give up until the last paper is signed and that you will do anything to save your marriage and make amends with your wife. Prove this now, not with your words but with your actions.
While I don't know much about your situation other than what you have posted, from a woman's point of view, I don't think your wife is completely "done" yet. Hang in there.

[Barkley]

Thanks 10....you may be right (see below)

So I get home from fishing this weekend and the first thing I do is confront my wife. She had CANCELLED her Facebook account the night before and I thought "Ok...this is it....here we go". I literally thought that all of my stuff might be on the front yard.

In any event I told her that if this is going to work, we have GOT to do a better job of communicating. Her recent letter and FB account cancellation led me to believe that she has "lawyered up" so to speak. Come to find out (yesterday) that two weeks earlier she had also expressed grave concern to one of our mutual friends that I had already hired a lawyer.

She told me that she had not "lawyered up" and is still trying to make this work. Somehow this led us into another conversation, where ALL this stuff started coming up about anger and resentment that she has built up towards my sister and her husband over the years.

My sister and her family have lived next door to us for about 8 years and she CAN be a nasty passive aggressive bitch sometimes. Something happened the day before that was unnacceptable from one of her kids. Two mutual couples had been invited to her house with their kids and my sister wasn't sure what to do about inviting my wife until the 11th hour becuase of all the wierdness between us. In any event, one of her children was over at our house swimming and said "we are having a party and ya'll aren't invited". This was before my sister had finally decided To invite her, her female friend and my kids who all eventually went over there anyway.

In any event, I am listening to her gush about how pissed off she was, how this was unaceptable, and how my sister has beaten her down consistently over the years. She then goes on to say that I HAVE NEVER stood up for her and taken on my sister regarding this type of behaviour (not true, I almost always call her out when she does mean things - she is a bitch to almost everyone anyway). I am literally sitting there thinking about all of this in my head, agreeing with her and trying to process all of the information she is giving me. She then says "STOP SMURKING, DO YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY".....I was like WHAT?

I then had had enough and told her calmy but sternly to be quiet for just a second so I could think and respond. She said "DON'T TALK TO ME THAT WAY". In any event, after confronting my sister and we all had cooled off, I got some good dialogue going on between the two of them. Just like me, of course my sister had no idea that my wife had built up so much anger towards her over the years.

The thing that worries me the most is the look of craziness in my wife's eyes when she was spouting off all of this stuff. I have NEVER seen that look in 18 years. It was almost like talking to a crazy person. She was fine after she had calmed down and we actually had a good evening with the kids along with some good discussion.

Very wierd stuff

[change44]

I'll be the first to admit it, Barkley. Women can be weird. And when we are pissed off by something like what happened with your sister, especially when our kids are involved in it, we can get a little crazy. I'm not saying it's right for us to react this way; I'm just telling you it happens. You did a good thing by confronting your sister. I'm glad that things got resolved there, especially since she lives next door to you. When family gets involved, things just get even messier. Marital problems truly affect so many aspects of our lives!

I'm SO glad you guys are communicating a little better. It sounds like there is so much fear on both sides. Just keep being honest with her. Tell her you love her; that, as you stated on here, you will fight for your marriage until the bitter end (the last paper is signed). As I've told my husband in the last 18 months, "it's not over 'til it's over." Playing guessing games of who has hired a lawyer aren't fun and don't help anyone, in my opinion. I have hope for your situation, as I do my own! Keep fighting for it!

I still believe her canceling the FB account is a good thing as opposed to a bad one. Hang in there....10

[Barkley]

Thanks AP10...duly noted

Any updates on your situation?

[change44]

Thank you for asking. We are doing much better; have had 5 great days in a row. That may not sound like much for some, but it's a miracle for us.

[Barkley]

Glad to here it 10. Keep hanging in there

[Barkley]

Anyone else here just feel physically exhausted every day. I am always tired now by 4 PM

[CPCajun]

Yes. Sometimes by 2PM I am done.

[Coach]

Anyone else here just feel physically exhausted every day. I am always tired now by 4 PM

Manage your energy.

It's hard to get a full nights sleep. Make sure you don't get baited into a fight when you are tired or hungry.

Exercise helps you sleep better. Eat healthy, stay hydrated and pray for strength.

[Barkley]

Good MC session today as the roller coaster ride continues. The wife said that her "feelings (or lack thereof)" still have not changed despite my best efforts. That said, she still wants to keep trying and give it more time. I think in her mind I have also still not made ammends for the "hell" that I have put her through over the last 10 years. Even though I have not had a drink in 4 months, the MC and the wife both think I should do the AA 12 steps to help with that. It might also give her more faith that this is a permanent change on my part. We shall see.

I will also be visiting an attorney in the next couple of weeks just to be on the safe side