500 days on, things I still don't get (and probably never will):
1. How do you not understand that when our children relate that you're still seeing "your friend" in Upstate City -- that being the only "your friend" you have there, Signore Schmuckatelli, unto whom you chose to cleave outside the bonds of wedded matrimony to me -- I find that to be a paradigm case of Adding Insult To Injury?
2. Since you're the one who wanted the D, since you're the one who filed for the D, since you're the one who moved out, since you're the one who has said, inter alia, you
don't love me anymore
have no attraction for me as a man anymore
have built a wall against me
just want your freedom and your bliss
love your freedom
have you bliss
think divorcing me is the best thing you've ever done
intend to bust my b*lls in court
are reminded every day just how right you were that we never had anything
think a complete stranger on the street would know you better than I ever did
are thrilled you can finally explore your sexuality
can't wait for this to be done so you can get as close as possible to forgetting I ever existed
then, um, what's up with the b*tchy attitude and the anger and the hating-on?
Why aren't you happy that you're getting what you've so often said to me and dozens of others -- including our children! -- that you want more than anything in the world?
3. Why, after enlightening to me as to the various and sundry yee-haws enumerated in #2, above, do you then expect me (a) to believe you when you say you
regret it turned out this way
feel like you'll never have love in your life again
know that no one will ever love you the way I did
feel so sad that you had to give up on someone you loved
wish I had been able to read your mind so that this never would have happened
feel so much darkness in your life
and (b) expect that I would care even if I did believe you?
4. How is it you can't understand why, in light of the various and sundry enumerated #2's and #3's, I really don't care to have a "nice relationship where we get together from time-to-time?"
And, above all,
5. How do you not understand that I didn't turn handsprings last fall when you said,
(a) "So I understand you've started seeing someone. Well it's either her or me" (which I was apparently supposed to understand meant you were coming back or thinking about coming back or thinking about thinking about coming back or coming back to thinking about thinking about coming back or something),
just 1 week after saying,
(b) "If only you had just let me go and be on my own for awhile to explore and find out who I am, everything would be different,"
when (b) translates -- by your own admission -- to "If only you had just let me go and f*ck around with a bunch of men until I got it out of my system, everything would be different,"
because I might actually have thoughts about the idea of your "explorations" (and for what? 6 months? A year? 2 years?), or, worse, maybe even feelings about it? And that I might not be the same person in the same place at the end that I was at the beginning, even though you seem to assume that we were all just supposed to suspend our lives while you went walkabout?
Or was I just supposed to be the bigger one? Or the rock? Or the source of stability? Or the stoker of the Home Fires to be kept burning? Or all the other things that, apparently, were perfectly splendid reasons for leaving me in the first place?
Does Not Compute, Will Robinson; does not compute.
