FFH to W: "You lied to me when you said you would do whatever it takes to save our M. I know that you contacted OM and that is unacceptable to me. I am stepping up our pace to D b/c you will not fully commit to us. I have decided that if you are not all in, I am out."
WARNING, ffh:
Your wife will probably have one of three responses:
1. She'll own the contact, express remorse for it, and re-commit to doing "whatever it takes," in which case you can NOW be ready with your short list of "dealbreakers".
2. She'll SPEW, saying "See, this is why I can't stay married to you, you're SO CONTROLLING, and YOU INVADE MY PRIVACY!" etc. etc.
3. She'll SPIN, saying "Yes, I contacted OM, but only for 'closure' and to tell him that we needed to keep our relationship professional only, because I was trying to work on my marriage.
You need to be prepared with what you will say for all three.
Almost everybody here whose spouse was in an EA or PA has heard them before.
Did your "it's OK to have relationships (EA) outside of your marriage while you claim to be working on it" MC seem to know this?
I am still mad at that guy. I was imagining somebody telling me that, and thinking I'd ask him for his wife's cell phone number right then. It's OK after all.
Last edited by TimeHeals; 06/28/1005:21 PM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
FFH to W: "You lied to me when you said you would do whatever it takes to save our M. I know that you contacted OM and that is unacceptable to me. I am stepping up our pace to D b/c you will not fully commit to us. I have decided that if you are not all in, I am out."
WARNING, ffh:
Your wife will probably have one of three responses:
1. She'll own the contact, express remorse for it, and re-commit to doing "whatever it takes," in which case you can NOW be ready with your short list of "dealbreakers".
2. She'll SPEW, saying "See, this is why I can't stay married to you, you're SO CONTROLLING, and YOU INVADE MY PRIVACY!" etc. etc.
3. She'll SPIN, saying "Yes, I contacted OM, but only for 'closure' and to tell him that we needed to keep our relationship professional only, because I was trying to work on my marriage.
You need to be prepared with what you will say for all three.
Puppy
So what will you say?
1. W, my definition of "all in" is x, y, z.
2. W, I'm sorry you feel that way. A week should be plenty of time for you to find a place and move your things. Let me know how I can help.
3. W, then you won't mind if I confirm that with a follow up phone call. I have the number.
No negotiating. Yes, make her put on the BGP! Do not enable this bad behavior...our of respect for your family. Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
I have my answers all planned. I just to need to follow through. I have a weakness for her when she is upset but the OM has motivated me to move forward.
I've been disrespected long enough and it's time for me to take control back. I spoke with my mortgage guy tonight and all is in place. I just need to tell the W tonight what the plan is and that contact with OM has put me here.
M: 36 W: 29 S: 2.5 EA: 2/2010 OM1 D Bomb: 3/2010 PA: 6/2010 OM2 W moved out 8/2010 Loc: DE, USA
Steel yourself. Cuz my prediction, for the record, is she'll attempt #3, and when you give the Greek response, you'll get a huge dose of #2.
I could be wrong.
Puppy
P.S. You may want to do a little role-reversal, in preparing ,and ask yourself "How I would attack ME???" You know what your "soft spots" are, and so does your wife. What is she likely to say, and then how will you respond? I've found that by preparing these things AHEAD OF TIME, it gives me great confidence going in, and then even great calm if/when it happens.
It's an amazing feeling "calmness" I finally feel that and I think I know why. I've been beating myself up for months because of the way I treated my W. The taking for granted, pure laziness when it came to running the daily engine, lacking the fatherly instinct when it came to my son.
All of this has opened my eyes and caused a great deal of self help. I'm feeling like a new man everyday. I still have opportunities for improvement but I'm confident that with work I'll be able to overcome those too.
I've made such strides with my son which in itself was all worth it.
My W on the other hand hasn't done anything to help herself. She continues to betray me and our family by having R with OM. I know that when she is on her own the R with OM may or may not continue, but her problems will always follow her without the help.
I can't thank everyone enough for giving me the courage to work on myself and pushing me to GAL. You lose touch with yourself and that is a painful feeling.
I am going to tell my W that I'm proceeding with the D tonight and it's a good idea that she starts planning on finding a new place. I will be ok and I will be the best father I can be.
Thank you all for this!!!!!!!
M: 36 W: 29 S: 2.5 EA: 2/2010 OM1 D Bomb: 3/2010 PA: 6/2010 OM2 W moved out 8/2010 Loc: DE, USA
