OK, I hear both of your sides. Yes, TWolf, I know how I have hurt him. If this is what it is and this is what he communicated to me, this would feel different to me. Although this may be what it is, things have been very strange over the past year.
Anyhow, after H found out (I had slept with OM 2 or three times at that point, not a R, but an addiciton), I stopped seeing OM. After three months of H basically NC with me, talking D, etc, I felt very sorry for myself and gave in one last night with OM. I believe H knows about this.
But I do not know if he started seeing OW before that time or not, as he would not speak with me. He was telling me we were already separated and I was accepting this at that time. Up until Aug last year, he had said he would start MC with me in Aug., but had found OW by then and refused to go.
That is when I went to SEx/Love Addicts Annonymous, stopped going out, going to parties, doing theatre, worked harder on my IC, spent all my time devoted to my son and family.
Things he says? Oh gosh I tend to forget as they are so traumatizing. I"m crazy. I'm insane. I'm dangerous. I'm in my own little world. I can't keep anything together. He expects nothing except for me to be all these things. Constant criticisms about not being clean enough in the house, the food I cook is awful, my car isn't clean enough, contant nitpicky things and jabs about my sanity and inability to be in reality. CONSTANT. He swears and tells me to shut the [censored] up. I try to make myself look perfect and him bad. I manipulate him. When I"m not. Not, you manipulated me when you cheated. I am still manipulating him a year later when I'm working on trying to be the best person, mother and wife I can be.
These are not talks. These are venting, explosive, constant barrages.
And yes, before we split, he was like this. I'm not saying I was a saint. I would get hurt and lash back. We'd have big fights. I've done all I can to stop this in the past year. We have had maybe one or two of these big fights in a year. It used to be monthly. FOr instance, one mother's day, he awoke early to the cat makikng noise. I said something in my sleep, and he called me a "bitch". And rolled over and went back to sleep. Any time I spoke of my hurt by his words, I would usually get "that didn't happen. That's you making things up. That's you feeling sorry for yourself and making me look bad. You're too sensitive." He never touched me. Not a kiss hello or goodbye. No sex for the majority of our marriage. Did I say things that hurt him because I was hurt about this? Yes. I have apologized and owned this and have worked hard (still not perfect but open to hearing it) to express my hurt maturely and to take responsibility when I don't. No I am not perfect. But I feel my intention to turn this around is sincere and my desire to change myself first continues to be my focus.
