Pandora - Absolutely it was totally moving and I discovered you can see the whole movie on youtube
Grace - I'm ok - have had some serious conversations with H - I am seeing things much more balanced now and the truth is that if he ultimately can't see his part in our dynamic or doesn't want to make any changes then I think this won't work for me. So far I have had some glimmers of hope but then am disappointed again. I'm just hanging on until I go to my Stosny bootcamp in a few weeks and then we'll see where my head is at.
What's up with you??? Please do tell!
A
M - 46 H - 47 T - 20 yrs M - 19 yrs DS 7yrs DS 6yrs DD 4 yrs Bomb - 4/3/10 My Sitch
Good to hear from you! I hope the bootcamp is helpful for you.
Nothing much up with me. I'm out of work with a bad knee, waiting on MRI results, hoping it doesn't require surgery. Explains why I'm on the bb so much these days. Usually I'm pretty busy.
I am leaving on a trip (that I totally can't afford) in a few weeks. Going to Japan. D's are really excited (me too! shhh).
It's been a tough year (not b/c of H) and I figure prison or a tent camp in the desert is my retirement plan anyway, might as well take it all on.
Who knows if I'll get hit by a bus next year anyway. I know that sounds fatalistic, but it isn't.
I've just gotten much better at handling Plan B. And I'm usually working on some sort of plan (insert mad scientist laugh)
Grace, So sorry to hear about your knee and really hope it doesn't mess up your Japan adventure. How did you choose Japan? How long will you be gone? I live vicariously through the travels of others :> You are right - you deserve to have fun and catch a break!
I need to learn to handle Plan B in a BIG way. I suck at that - was hoping my meditation would help but it's slow going at best. I'm such a frickin control freak it's really starting to tick me off :>
Bootcamp is in Maryland - anyone on these boards hail from those parts -would love to say hi! The camp will be from July 16 to the 18th. Not sure what to expect and am nervous about it.
Anita
M - 46 H - 47 T - 20 yrs M - 19 yrs DS 7yrs DS 6yrs DD 4 yrs Bomb - 4/3/10 My Sitch
I figure as long as I get to Japan and then make it back on the plane, anything in between is an adventure. I flat out refuse to let anything hold me back. This is going to be awesome! I'm lucky that D's are pretty spontaneous. We'll be gone about 12 days (gives us 10 days to play). D chose.
The thing about meditation is that you need to be able to quiet you mind. And if you're anything like me (and you do sound like it sometimes), it can race a million miles a second with all the "possibilities". I do alot better with it now and have learned some techniques to help along the way.
Handling Plan B has always been something I was pretty good at. Now, I don't really stress to much at all when things go wonky. It's more of a "Wow, this sux, what can I do? Of course there maybe some head smacking and eye rolling in the process
Bootcamp, talk about an adventure! I would be nervous too. It will be amazing though and just think of all the cool people you'll get to meet!
have had some serious conversations with H - I am seeing things much more balanced now and the truth is that if he ultimately can't see his part in our dynamic or doesn't want to make any changes then I think this won't work for me. So far I have had some glimmers of hope but then am disappointed again. I'm just hanging on until I go to my Stosny bootcamp in a few weeks and then we'll see where my head is at.
Serious conversations? I read somewhere on here "you can't talk yourself out of something you acted your way into" ... it's so true. Talk is cheap ...
Fud - you are still making this about HIM. If HE can't see, if HE won't change ... you are thinking about things you can't control, why? The bootcamp is a fantastic idea, but there are other opportunities to turn this inwards. What are you doing differently? What changes are you making for YOU? Who are YOU right now? Who do you WANT to be? What are you doing to make that happen?
As a wise man once posted to me "this process will change you, if you let it". Let it Fud ... let it change the parts of YOU that you want to change. This isn't about HIM anymore. Do this work for you, not to save your M but to save yourself and come through this at your full potential.
You are not a victim unless you choose to be.
And by the way, what happened to unconditional love? ... here's a hint: it doesn't involve the word IF. Stop having expectations of anyone other than yourself. Disappointment is your fault, not his.
Now, what are you going to do today FOR YOU?
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
Serious conversations? I read somewhere on here "you can't talk yourself out of something you acted your way into" ... it's so true. Talk is cheap ...
Ya I have to agree with that wisdom! 2 x 4 duly noted and deserved but the truth is even though I can see intellectually what you are saying I can't will myself to be in a different place than I am - thus all the folks stuck in MLC land.
Originally Posted By: PEImom_of_3
Fud - you are still making this about HIM. If HE can't see, if HE won't change ... you are thinking about things you can't control, why? The bootcamp is a fantastic idea, but there are other opportunities to turn this inwards. What are you doing differently? What changes are you making for YOU? Who are YOU right now? Who do you WANT to be? What are you doing to make that happen?
Yep I keep getting stuck here too. I am still doing things for myself - meditating everyday and going to a meditation group on Wednesday nights - reaching out to people and reading inspirational books. I am actually doing a lot for myself.
Originally Posted By: PEImom_of_3
As a wise man once posted to me "this process will change you, if you let it". Let it Fud ... let it change the parts of YOU that you want to change. This isn't about HIM anymore. Do this work for you, not to save your M but to save yourself and come through this at your full potential.
Another bottom line for me here - can't get past the fear that our M won't continue - though the twist on it is that part of me wonders if I really want someone who is so conflict avoidant. As far as unconditional love - I guess the truth is that it's not unconditional for me or for him. Maybe that's not good but it's the truth. I'm glad that you are posting this stuff to me - I know I need to hear it and I also know that I am where I am - which is basically vacillating between thinking things will be ok between us and then that they won't. Intermittently though I am working on me - just keep getting sidetracked.
Originally Posted By: PEImom_of_3
You are not a victim unless you choose to be. Stop having expectations of anyone other than yourself. Disappointment is your fault, not his.
Another pearl of wisdom here - indeed the disappointment piece is totally on me - I have to try to remember that - so hard to know how to be on a daily basis with him. Sometimes things seem so normal that the expectations creep in - then other times it's sickeningly apparent that we are in a bad place and may never get out. I'm constantly on this bizarre ride and keep forgetting how to get off. Ugh this all probably sounds like the ridiculous ramblings of a nut job but that's where my head is at tonight at 11:35pm when I can't stop coughing and feel pretty physically awful!
Thx for taking the time to share your thoughts! Much appreciated!!
A
M - 46 H - 47 T - 20 yrs M - 19 yrs DS 7yrs DS 6yrs DD 4 yrs Bomb - 4/3/10 My Sitch
