Just for your own sanity and some space I do still think it is a good idea for you to not spend so much time with her.
When my H and I were first married (and while we were engaged) we lived together, worked together, carpooled together to and from work, ate lunch together each day and did everything socially together. Now it wasn't bad then because everything was new and fun but I am VERY glad I ended up getting a different job. It was just too much together time even though we were young and in love.
I think part of the reason you are having trouble detaching is you only see happiness for your future if you are married to your W. If your W walked out tomorrow for good and never turned back you eventually would be happy again and honestly, it would probably be best if you could learn to be happy on your own (IOW: not in another R right away).
You have to find ways to fill your time away from the house and your W doing things you enjoy and IMO it should be more than going to the gym or doing errands.
Often times I am regulated to my house or weeks on end due to infection. It can make a person crazy. If I had to be with my H while trapped in my house I would lose my mind (more than I already have, lol!).
When you feel you cannot detach it is really fear based. And fear is "False Emotions Appearing Real".
I think in healthy marriages a certain level of detachment is necessary anyhow.
