Hey thanks everyone for stopping by! WH never 'pathologised' his father's absence. He never said his life would have been better if FIL was around. I think that was a way of surviving and not assuming a victim role. In some respects this could be considered great, and for a long time I did. But what I am fully aware of now more than ever is that WH was running from his past, afraid to process it, afriad to stop and find out that the absence was something he needed to deal with. It would be a lot for me to assume that FIL is miserable today because of his actions 40 years ago. Yes, I hope he and WH can communicate about all this, but I'm not going to ask him to. I think it is assumed, anyway... I kinda reckon part of dropping the rope for me is not trying to control things anymore, and let the natural consequences take over...My WH would spot it if I tried to force things & would therefore not work in my favour.
