lol and do what during that time? I am home now, she is still at dr and we have remained in contact...She had text me about what Dr. said and that she will be a while due to they are hooking her up to IV.
I would follow that advice if I knew what I could do for the next 7-8 hours.
It is funny in a way...This approach is same reason why I am in this sitch. Going out doing things and involving W as little as possible left a void and the result she "feel out of love" with me and confide in someone else to fill that void. I understand by doing this I will give W the opportunity to "miss me" and more importantly GAL.
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
take the dog to the ridge, hike around, stop by mia's on the way back, order a stuffed pepper pizza, hang out on the deck, lose yourself for a while...
Just for your own sanity and some space I do still think it is a good idea for you to not spend so much time with her.
When my H and I were first married (and while we were engaged) we lived together, worked together, carpooled together to and from work, ate lunch together each day and did everything socially together. Now it wasn't bad then because everything was new and fun but I am VERY glad I ended up getting a different job. It was just too much together time even though we were young and in love.
I think part of the reason you are having trouble detaching is you only see happiness for your future if you are married to your W. If your W walked out tomorrow for good and never turned back you eventually would be happy again and honestly, it would probably be best if you could learn to be happy on your own (IOW: not in another R right away).
You have to find ways to fill your time away from the house and your W doing things you enjoy and IMO it should be more than going to the gym or doing errands.
Often times I am regulated to my house or weeks on end due to infection. It can make a person crazy. If I had to be with my H while trapped in my house I would lose my mind (more than I already have, lol!).
When you feel you cannot detach it is really fear based. And fear is "False Emotions Appearing Real".
I think in healthy marriages a certain level of detachment is necessary anyhow.
I'd suggest not coming home until about 11pm tonite.
Right,
He should be doing this about 3 to 4 nights a week. I'd be somewhere you see people. LIke I have been saying, she's been getting a bunch of focused and dedicated attention and having to give nothing for it. He's been getting fed a bunch of crap. Enjoy life, and if the wife is around to enjoy it with you she will.
So I called a friend and he invited me over, I decided to go. I txt W "Leaving." So there were not surprises when she returned home. Just before I left W and I were exchanging quite a few txt messages about what the Dr. told her ect.
I left went to friends house. After being there for about 45 min W decided to call me. W called me and said "I just want to let you know I am home" then I asked W how it went at the doctor and she then explained a little in detail about her visit and the meds she was prescribed. I then ended the conversation by saying "Alright, I will let you go" and we each exchanged "bye" but W sounded to me depressed should I say, not happy, not mad just upset.
I assumed W slept the whole time I was gone because when I returned home just about 10 min ago and she was in bed sleeping. I said nothing to her, just walked in the room and grabbed my laptop and walked out.
I know the time away was not as long as it should had been but I am tired and just headed home.
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
I know the time away was not as long as it should had been but I am tired and just headed home.
Well, the medical situation she had today probably did call for a softer, less distant approach, but I'm just afraid with your wife's myriad medical problems, and recent behavior, she will quickly learn to ALWAYS have a medical reason to rope you back into close enmeshment with her when you try to create some distance.
Man, reading OIN's posts make me feel like were living the same life. Almost identical interactions. However, my situation is over. I got to the point where I had to make the decision to save myself. I wrote her a large cheque for some shared property(granted mostly mine), wished her the best, and changed my phone numbers. There comes a time, like Puppy, CG, TH, and Steve, when you have to put your emotional well being above your desire to save the relationship. I never got what I wanted which was a happy, healthy relationship with her but I got what I needed. I regained my self-respect and a sense of peace I haven't had for years.
I'm not in a position to suggest you give up on your marriage but I do feel like a different tactic is needed. You're getting some stellar advice from the vets, I hope you will at least consider it.
After I got home last night W woke up shortly after.
W asked "where did you go?" and I simply responded "To hang out" W did not ask where or with who...
A little later on I explained to W how the dog had chewed the remote while I was gone and she was sleeping and after W gave her "bad dog" speech she then said "She (as in the dog) said 'that is what you get for going and hanging out'" W put emphasis on the hanging out part.
Earlier in the day W had asked if I could pick up some contact solution (we both where contacts). Later on just before she was ready to go to bed for the night she asked if I was able to pick it up bu I had forgot all about it. Unfortunately I needed it myself so I went to the store to get some.
When I got back and we were settled in bed watching the news W asked "Where did you go earlier" and I asked "When you got home from work or just a little while ago" she said from work and I told her to get my oil changed. Then W asked where I had been just now and I told her a friends house and she asked what friend so I told her.
My W then showed me the meds she received ect... then we went to bed.
I don't feel as if my W uses the health issues as a way to rope me. She did not call/txt me once while I was out. Before our sitch, however, she would always txt me.
M: 27, W: 25 Together since: 01/31/00 M: 10/4/09 (8 Months) ILBNILWY: 01/24/10 EA confirmed: 02/10/10 (Busted). Road to Reconcile began: 07/10/10 Retrouvaille: 09/10/10
I don't feel as if my W uses the health issues as a way to rope me. She did not call/txt me once while I was out. Before our sitch, however, she would always txt me.
I'm saying she WILL do that, once she sees you detaching and going dimmer. Then again, with all of the details you just provided her, she probably won't have to.
C'mon, dude, BE MORE MYSTERIOUS!!! "Just out" is all you need to tell her!!!
