How to tell the kids

[Greek]

I read all these posts telling people to confront their spouses and put a stop to the relationships with OM. That is what I thought I was trying to do.

In the first incident, all I did was ask her friend why she lent my W the money and she ran away like a coward, so I cursed her.

Then I confronted the W about continued contact with OM, which she continues to deny and, from what I have read here and heard from others, is likely the reason she hasn't tried to work things out in the relationship.

Then I confronted her friend who is supporting her in these efforts and who knows the OM and told her how I felt she SHOULD BE acting differently from HOW SHE IS acting.

I thought that confronting these issues was stepping up and being a man. It might finally tell the W that I am done with it. Maybe I have also done these things to try to get myself beyond the hurt and desperate stage, but I am now breaking down again, even though I try to be strong.

She says she just wants to be happy, but I don't believe this is going to make anyone happy. I want to tell her that I don't want her to be happy, I want all of us to be happy as a family and am willing to do whatever it takes to get there, but she has to be willing to try too.

Perhaps this is what it takes for me to get detached enough so that I don't hurt anymore. I just don't want any of this.

Thanks.

I don't think confronting her friends is confronting anything. Who in hell are they to you? Going to her girlfriends about things that she does is what, well, girlfriends do. They talk to everyone EXCEPT the person they have the issue with.

Put your proof of the A together, go to her and tell her what you know. Don't ask her. Tell her. Then lay down the boundary. If her meeting another man in a bar is a dealbreaker, tell her so. Whatever your boundary is, let her know. Let her know that if she crosses that boundary, you will step up the pace on the D path.

But stop talking to the besties.

Greek