Par4me, these thoughts are not what you need. Please get help or continue to vent on here. We can take it and help.
This weekend my W came back from a long trip by herself since we S at the beginning of this month. A day before she came back we talked on the phone, she wanted to work things out. When she came home, after a 8 hr drive and it was 2am. The first thing she did was curse me out, saying she hated me and the past 10 years of abuse. She wants a D and me out of her life. We have a family trip planned next month and she wasn't going. It hit me hard as I thought things turned around. She said everything she could say and all I could do was agree that I did do these things, but its the past and unchangeable. She stormed away.
All I could do was go in my apartment, cry and scream at the top of my lungs. For one split second, I thought about grabbing the gun and going out to the back of my property and finishing this. What she told me hurt that bad. Then I thought, I used to do this to her...for 10 years. She never did this, though I do not know if she thought about it. I see it from her side, she never quit. Hopefully she will be happy with me again. I quickly dropped this bad thought. Still I didn't sleep Saturday night and this talk was all I could think about.
The next day, I started new. I tried something different, not knowing if it would work. You know what, it has been the best day, since my S.
My point.... The day sucks, its a bad one, but you never know what tomorrow instores. Only you can turn it around and make it a happy one. Take oit one day at a time, and look for tomorrow. It is always a good day until you make it different. Laugh,smile, etc during the day, even for no reason.....its helps immensely.
Me 31 Wife 34 (Step)D 15 /(Step)S 13 / D 6 Married 3/3/01 Separated 6/4/10 Bomb 6/14/10 Served 6/22/10 EA/PA Discovered 7/5/10 Now Back Together 8/1/10
You letters made me cry. Thank you so much. I went to the doctor and got an antidepresent and xanax. I just dont understand why I cant be a decent person. I caused this. It is not a two way streak. I am crying my eyes out that you people who dont even know me seem to care. We have all been through heartache. And it is awful. I sent my wife like 8 emails last night which I i know is stupid. Here is her response-love is an action Jeff. Love means putting another person before yourself. Why are you saying these things now? Just a month ago you told me that I was going to lose you. I am crying buckets of tears. Why now? After nine years do you decide to do the right thing by me? To say all the right things and not mean a word of it! I am so pissed at you for this. We have broken up so many times and you would say what I wanted to hear and I would come running back. I would be so hopeful and then so devastated when things went right back to the way it was before. I cannot be negelected. Life is too short to love someone who constantly hurts you.-and she is exactly right. what do you guys suggest I do? She has moved 600 miles away. There is another man. I cant show her that I am changing.Hell, I havent had time change. I have read the books. I have been working on my own life. I just can't lose this person. It may be God's path for me but I just cant. The thing is I dont know that if she came back that I could treat her like I promised. For this reason I feel like a failure. I do not want to die to hurt her I just want it to kill the pain. I took 36 sleeping pills the other night and drank a liter of crown royal. what happend- went to sleep for about 4 hours and woke up and started the same ole process again about worrying about my family. No hang over just hopelessness and dispair. Life really sucks. Although this xanax is kicking in right now and i feel only a little down. Thank you guys for the responses-it means a great deal to me. I am destroyed as a person and things will not be better tommorrow or the day after or the day after.
I am destroyed as a person and things will not be better tommorrow or the day after or the day after.
That's where you are 100% wrong. You are still here. Things are at least a little better today than yesterday.
One day at a time. Very clichued, I know, but so true.
Hang in there. And you're right, we do care. And if we do, people who don't even know you, I'm sure you have people in your life who know you and care about you who can support and help you. Seek them out and let them help.
So being a pro golfer you taught your students to dwell on the past? Focus on all the problems with their swing? Visualise bad things happening because shots never go their way? Told them to give up working because no matter what they won't be a decent golfer? Use your feelings in your game not your mind (thoughts) and body (actions)?
Change your thinking and you change your feelings.
Seriously look up Selgman it will help you.
You can handle it.
Cheers Coach
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Not really, I tell them that perfection is not attainable. We all have bad shots and bad breaks. It is how you recover from these mistakes is how your score adds up. The mind is a horriable thing, it destroys the body in golf and relationships.
It is how you recover from these mistakes is how your score adds up.
Do you really believe that? Why?
Go read Serenity's latest thread.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
You were in my thoughts this weekend while I was away from the computer. I am glad you are still with us. I would have been sad if you never posted again.
Quote:
What do you guys suggest I do?...I haven't had time change.
You have answered your own question....Take time now to make positive changes to you. How best can we help you?
HUGS
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
