FFH to W: "You lied to me when you said you would do whatever it takes to save our M. I know that you contacted OM and that is unacceptable to me. I am stepping up our pace to D b/c you will not fully commit to us. I have decided that if you are not all in, I am out."
WARNING, ffh:
Your wife will probably have one of three responses:
1. She'll own the contact, express remorse for it, and re-commit to doing "whatever it takes," in which case you can NOW be ready with your short list of "dealbreakers".
2. She'll SPEW, saying "See, this is why I can't stay married to you, you're SO CONTROLLING, and YOU INVADE MY PRIVACY!" etc. etc.
3. She'll SPIN, saying "Yes, I contacted OM, but only for 'closure' and to tell him that we needed to keep our relationship professional only, because I was trying to work on my marriage.
You need to be prepared with what you will say for all three.
