Heartbroken and needing help!

[irishblessings]

Continuing to feel lost in this nightmare. Am out of town for work / S is at camp. H had asked if when Ds come home for upcoming holiday weekend if we could - at least once - all get together for a cookout. I told him I needed to take it a day at a time and that I couldn't make any promises.
I am really working to stay calm, pleasant, non-confrontational.
Does it seem reasonable to anyone that if I go the next few days and he makes no contact with me - no checking in on me - that I need to gently suggest that he plan a meal with the kids outside of me? Or does it even matter?
There are a lot of times that I feel like this is all game playing - this decision making process. I hate it!
One of my daily marriage recovery emails comes from this guy named Mort Fertel (Marriage boot camp or something like that) - Today's message: I love you but I'm not in love with you" (sound familiar?)
He says a person who says this is making a distinction between 2 feelings but NEITHER of those feelings are love. He proposes that when a person says that they are saying that I CARE about you but I'm not EXCITED about you. CARING about someone is a good thing. It's reflective of CONCERN - but it's different than love. Being EXCITED about someone is also a good thing but it's different than love. Someone who says ILYBINILWY is expressing their confusion about what love really is and that's why they are having marital problems and maybe even an affair (because who are they IN LOVE with?)
Love, he says, is something we articulate in the vocabulary of ACTION - it is a verb rather than a feeling you get from another PERSON. It's an experience you receive as a result of DEEDS YOU DO for another person. And those deeds are not a secret. In other words, love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do with your spouse to solve your problems and build love in your marriage. He says that as a counselor when he hears ILYBINILWY his immediate response is to ask - Can you list for me 5 ways in the last week that you've demonstrated your love for your spouse? He usually hears grunts, partial statements, etc. but none of what passes as an answer. ILYBINILWY is a cop out that basically means that I have no clue how to make a relationship last LONG-TERM so I'm exiting to get high from another short-term romance. But whoever they're IN LOVE with now will also eventually hear, ILYBINILWY

If I believe this message then I need to continue to do things that demonstrate love? Is this different from being a doormat because of the fact that I'm in control of what I do and have no expectations that he will begin to demonstrate love for me? Just wondering..