Think I am dead now.

[CPCajun]

Par4me, these thoughts are not what you need. Please get help or continue to vent on here. We can take it and help.

This weekend my W came back from a long trip by herself since we S at the beginning of this month. A day before she came back we talked on the phone, she wanted to work things out. When she came home, after a 8 hr drive and it was 2am. The first thing she did was curse me out, saying she hated me and the past 10 years of abuse. She wants a D and me out of her life. We have a family trip planned next month and she wasn't going. It hit me hard as I thought things turned around. She said everything she could say and all I could do was agree that I did do these things, but its the past and unchangeable. She stormed away.

All I could do was go in my apartment, cry and scream at the top of my lungs. For one split second, I thought about grabbing the gun and going out to the back of my property and finishing this. What she told me hurt that bad. Then I thought, I used to do this to her...for 10 years. She never did this, though I do not know if she thought about it. I see it from her side, she never quit. Hopefully she will be happy with me again. I quickly dropped this bad thought. Still I didn't sleep Saturday night and this talk was all I could think about.

The next day, I started new. I tried something different, not knowing if it would work. You know what, it has been the best day, since my S.

My point.... The day sucks, its a bad one, but you never know what tomorrow instores. Only you can turn it around and make it a happy one. Take oit one day at a time, and look for tomorrow. It is always a good day until you make it different. Laugh,smile, etc during the day, even for no reason.....its helps immensely.