Are there any women in the approximate age range 40-65 who want sex 5-10 times per week? Or are there any who would at least put up with a partner who wanted it that often? And I'm talking about imaginative, erotic, tantric sexual massage, energetic, fantasy-enchanced, loving, candlelight, etc., sex, not just cold mechanical frequency. And I'm talking about sustaining that kind of energy for years, not just through the honeymoon and a few weeks after.
I sometimes feel that if I were to leave my SSM and look for a compatible sexual partner, I'd have a hard time finding someone near my age who would have the same erotic energy. It's discouraging to read that a typical "good" long-term marriage in midlife has sex no more than about 1-2 times per week. And a fellow poster on this forum mentioned that she considered herself HD, and would like sex once a week?!? I feel like a sexual freak. I'm in my late 50's, and my sex drive is still about the same as when I was a teenager.
A male friend of mine, about my age, told me recently that at this point in his life, with regard to sex, "he could take it or leave it", and wouldn't be upset if he never had partnered sex the rest of his life. And he's a guy and in perfectly good health otherwise?!?! I feel like most people my age are sexually dead, not to mention my wife.
Is my only hope to look for a much younger woman? Surely there must be some exceptions out there closer to my age, someone who is my sexual female counterpart?
And just to be clear, your first paragraph sounds like a 16 year old boy that has watched too much porn. It is likely that not having ML to your wife in years is giving you the impression that there are women out there that want the same conditions.
"And just to be clear, your first paragraph sounds like a 16 year old boy that has watched too much porn." - YOU SOUND LIKE ONE WHO IS RESISTANT TO A PERMENANT HOT AND SEXY SEXLIFE WITH YOUR SPOUSE.
They exist, I could not understand how you would think it doesn't exist. I know people who have been like that for 20 plus years, both of them still have that in-love attraction for each other and have sex any time they want.
Originally Posted By: The Wifey
There are moments in a couples' life when it will be that hot and steamy, and then other things will intrude and the taxes will have to be done, and the laundry, and the kids are crying, and she's tired, or you are, or any number of reasons.
Have you tried romancing your wife with absolutely no expectations of sex at all?
I'm sure he has tried romancing her with no expectations, I am sure he has done it for many years knowing he's going to fill her with love and get nothing at all in return. The other thing in having been around these divorce and marriage boards, is 1/2 the time a spouse has no or low interest in sex it is because they are getting it from the outside.
Originally Posted By: The Wifey
Are you a couple in all other respects? Do you spend time together? Do you share interests? Do you have nearly separate lives, friendships, etc. There is so much that goes into desire. Has she been to the doctor? Does she consider it no problem?? Can you talk to her about this or does she shut you down?
He says shes been to the doctor to have hormones checked. I did not see anything about her doing something specifically designed to counter a lowered libido. "The Wifey" - I don't see how you cannot see going 15 years without penetrative sex is not a problem and try to make and excuse for it. Going even more than one month without sex from your spouse is a problem.
"The Wifey" - I don't know a single soul who got married with intention on being celebate during any portion of their marriage. Also I don't know many who get married to expect a greatly reduced sex rate either.
