I know you are correct about my reactions, but these things can't all be coincidence, can they?
She goes to work on her off day and makes sure to specifically tell me she is going there to talk to her friend that she already talks to 3 times a day on the phone, when this is where she has been calling OM from. Then OM has a 25 minute incoming call on his phone that morning that his wife sees on the last call timer, but he has conveniently deleted the call logs that day, which he had been leaving on and leaving his phone lying around for his wife to check for the previous week. Just a bit too convenient.
On Saturday, W goes out at the last minute, with same friend, gives me no notice, and OM is spotted at one of her favorite hang-outs. I can't believe that W wasn't there too.
You are going to love this one too.
On the way in to work this morning, I called W's friend (Debbie) and thanked her for introducing OM to my W and for supporting her affair. OM's W, who my W says is crazy, knows Debbie from high school, so I tell her that OM's wife knows too and that since my W thinks she is crazy, I just wanted to give her fair warning. She denied introducing them at first, but then asked if she was supposed to control who my W talked to? I said no, but you are supposed to tell her to try to work things out and save her family rather than support her affair. Went back and forth for a couple of minutes and then ended the conversation.
Another mistake I know, but maybe I really don't care anymore. It should be interesting to see what happens today.
Thanks for keeping up with me Puppy. Sorry I am not better at following your advice.
There's no need to apologize to ME. You're only hurting your own efforts, when you go off and do whatever it is you WANT to do, instead of calmly and patiently using your head.
Don't give-up on me Puppy. These things were all done before you posted this morning. I will try harder. There is not try, only do, or do not.
Here is a note my wife is typing me right now (eblaster). What to make of it? I will not respond. Do I talk to her about it tonight or just remain detached?
I feel like I tried to be the best wife and mother and have given this the best I could for the past 20 some years. I'm very saddened and upset at what this had come to. I guess I mistakenly thought you had some respect for me and maybe you would understand I only want to be happy. I knew this process would be painful, but I really don't believe it has to get this bad. You know as well as I that neither Reg or Debbie is responsible for where we are. Lets just leave the blame where it should be....YOU AND I !! I was planning to take out a loan for the atty. I just was so completely stressed out that I did not need one more burden so I borrowed the $ from Reg. That is it. It would have happened either way. As for as Debbie, believe what you want. The fact is she did not even recognize Jim the night we met him. Conversation ocurred and two and two were put together, that he used to work with Bo. She didn't introduce me and it doesn't matter anyway.
Based on your accusations, I have to assume you've been talking to Laurie. I can only imagine the things you've talked about with her. I guess maybe you think that is o.k. because I shared some things with Jim. Well, just try to think about what her motive is. I know I am the one responsible for opening this door but now you are the one to keep it open. I'm sure you think she is nice,etc, and I'm sure she can be, but I have heard the things she is capable of and I only hope what you have shared (our address??) does not come back to hurt our family.
I asked you before not to come in my room at night when I'm sleeping. It scares me and it is not the time for a discussion anyway. Please do not do that again.
I know you are hurting. I'm sorry you feel so desperate. I was just hoping that our history, relationship, and what I've given to our family would give you some pause when discussing things with others and your interactions with my friends. You keep saying you are concerned about my health, if that is true than please stop. My stomach is killing me and I guess I probably will keep losing weight if this continues. My body is just reacting to the stress of it all. Maybe you feel like this is payback for me hurting you, I don't know. I truly hope that is not what this boils down to. Thanks for listening.
Dan, She is involved with another man. Let her go. Let them have each other. Pack her up and move her OUT. Time for her to go.
You're hurt and who wouldn't be but I promise you Dan, when you look back on this time in your life, you'll want to feel proud of how you handled yourself - like a man, not like a boy. Right now, you are acting like a boy who can't live without this cake-eating girl. She is not acting like a woman, btw. More like a teenager lying to her daddy and hiding herself. Women don't do that - girls do. As long as you put up with it, she'll do it.
Step up. Be a man.
Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
Here is a note my wife is typing me right now (eblaster). What to make of it? I will not respond. Do I talk to her about it tonight or just remain detached?
She needs you to back off and get-a-life. Keep getting in her face and talking about how great you think the relationship was or could be. and how much you love her and can make changes and how she is making a mistake,
and you will end up be known as the "idiot ex-husband that didn't get a clue and screwed up when he might of had a chance."
I read all these posts telling people to confront their spouses and put a stop to the relationships with OM. That is what I thought I was trying to do.
In the first incident, all I did was ask her friend why she lent my W the money and she ran away like a coward, so I cursed her.
Then I confronted the W about continued contact with OM, which she continues to deny and, from what I have read here and heard from others, is likely the reason she hasn't tried to work things out in the relationship.
Then I confronted her friend who is supporting her in these efforts and who knows the OM and told her how I felt she SHOULD BE acting differently from HOW SHE IS acting.
I thought that confronting these issues was stepping up and being a man. It might finally tell the W that I am done with it. Maybe I have also done these things to try to get myself beyond the hurt and desperate stage, but I am now breaking down again, even though I try to be strong.
She says she just wants to be happy, but I don't believe this is going to make anyone happy. I want to tell her that I don't want her to be happy, I want all of us to be happy as a family and am willing to do whatever it takes to get there, but she has to be willing to try too.
Perhaps this is what it takes for me to get detached enough so that I don't hurt anymore. I just don't want any of this.
Here is a note my wife is typing me right now (eblaster). What to make of it? I will not respond. Do I talk to her about it tonight or just remain detached?
She needs you to back off and get-a-life. Keep getting in her face and talking about how great you think the relationship was or could be. and how much you love her and can make changes and how she is making a mistake,
and you will end up be known as the "idiot ex-husband that didn't get a clue and screwed up when he might of had a chance."
How are you accomplishing detachment?
Ok. Maybe I am an idiot. For detachment I have started spending more time with my kids. I joined a softball team, but we got rained-out. Game tomorrow night. I went out the past 2 fridays with other friends. I have tried to keep busy with projects around the house to stay out of W's way.
The problem I have is that she continues to be nice and it doesn't feel like I should be detaching. We tell others spend time together and show their wives the man they want to be with. I have also been trying to do that by spending time with the kids and by continuing to do my 180's, which are the kids, housework and backing off on the sex, which has been 3 months. I don't know how much more I can do to back-off. Last night I went to my room and worked on the computer so I wasn't around to watch TV. She thinks she wants this to be a nice, friendly, clean divorce to make it easier on her. Not sure I can or should do that.
What do I do next? Just shut down and stop talking to her and only interact with the kids? We had a nice dinner last night and worked together to clean-up the kitchen after. Probably the wrong thing to do also. Do I just stop doing the housework 180?
