Need a Plan for My Marriage

[LSG]

I hope I have it in me to continue to remain strong for my kid's sake.

I just love my kids, and they need a strong and good father always.

I just need to make it through another long week with her off from work.

[DanF]

I sound about like you today. An emotional wreck also. Sometimes I wish W and I hated each other, because that might make this easier. She continues to carry-on like a family when we are at home, but doesn't want to do anything as a family anymore. Just her and the kids or me and the kids.

Hang in there. You will make it. Thousands do every day, even though it hurts so bad.

[LSG]

DanF,

I am doing better now. Your post helped too. I feel the same way, but I am not sure that would help us out any. Maybe it could not hurt.

Separating the kids from the other spouse to gain their love because they can't stand the kids want to be with someone else besides them. It seems typical script to me.

They do it for themselves I believe and not the kids. It is all about them and no one else.

Anyways, try to make it the best day you can, and do not let her push your buttons. It really will not do you any good.

Keep positive and take care of yourself.

[LSG]

Journaling 6/26/2010:

Today has started out bad with STBXW. She has the rental car and is taking the kids everywhere. Started with breakfast at McDonalds, a drive along the beach, and the video store. She received a package with alot of clothes for the kids.

[LSG]

Journaling 6/26/2010 (continued):

I have no money, so I could not afford gas for the car to take S to the Skate park. W said I will do it. I was disappointed. There is no gas or food enough for the kids for me to feed them. She makes to where she has to cook even if it is late.

W took remote to apartments garage, and I could not even take the care if I needed to.

W took S to skate park and D for a manipedicure today too. She all of sudden is cooking and doing all these things. It is bizarre. I did dishes even though I ate a peanut butter sandwich for the second time today. Yummy! She told me I could not eat the food, and that she will buy it for the kids, and I said "ok." At least what I am buying is my own food. She then says, "there is a lot of chicken, and I can have some, but who wants to eat after they are told that the food is for the kids, and I am even lucky to be living here still.

I am with the kids almost 24/7 except when she has all this money to take them to San Diego Wild Animal Park, go to manicures, buy them things, and just do as she pleases.

I did take them to the park tonight when she came home, and D decides to walk in this dirty old pond and to catch a fish. I told her no, but she did it anyways. Well, she is 8.

That is my day.

I did have a possible job offer today, so I will see how it goes. I am excited about it.

I found so many four leaf clovers too. A good ending to a difficult day.

[LSG]

Well...It ain't over yet, when I found the OM TM on my WAW cell phone from Saturday, June 26, 2010 at 9:23 pm. I knew she was still high on him. It is not over, and I knew it wasn't. Just making a note here of it.

Kids and I have a big morning planned tomorrow, and it should be fun. It is time to turn some of those fourleaf clovers into luck!!!

Have a great day everyone, and it will be as good as we make it. When you are knocked down, just get back up and dust urself off.

Woohoo!

[LSG]

Journaling 6/27/2010:

Today, I thought a lot about W while it was just me and the kids. I don't know why. I guess I had so much love for her and still unfortunately I do.

Kids had a great day with me. Came home around 1:00 p.m. and W was not at home. She did not arrive home until around 7:30 p.m.

Kids and I played at the park for most of the day. I fed them some leftovers for dinner and showered them. Went outside again and played some more. I am very tired after a very busy day.

Wife is taking them to San diego.

I am getting tired of 2 to 3 days of peanut butter sandwich, but I have to eat something. I have got to be healthy for the hearing in August. I need all these four-leaf clovers for good luck.

[idontunderstand]

Hey, LSG.

I don't post on the weekends because I need a break. I am busy with the kids and yard work, etc. I do catch up first thing Mon. mornings.

I'm glad you're enjoying your time with the kids. Just remember, as hard as it is in your sitch, they can see through your W's "buying" of their love and affection. I will bet they have as much fun with you doing "simple", fun things and wonder why you don't get to go to the zoo with them and why you are excluded from other family events. They are young but they know what's going on.

Keep expecting the ups and downs and know that the down times don't get you down nearly as much as they used to, nor do they last as long. You can't shut off your feelings and love for your W like a light switch no matter if she deserves your love or not. If you look at it as doing what is right by your kids and your love for you entire family, doing what you have to do to protect yourself and them is done out of love, not hate or spite. If you didn't care, you would just walk away and never look back. Kind of like what she is doing. You are better than that.

Continued luck on your job search, I know that would make a big difference in your PMA.

BTW, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and regular lays potato chips is one of my favorites!(not day in and day out, I get it)I remember ramen noodles from my college days. They are cheap and delicious! Not too good for you, of course, but great nonetheless. Fix them like spaghetti, drain them, add Velveeta cheese and hot sauce. Fantastic!

Hang in there, LSG. You will make it through this and come out on the other side a better, stronger person.

[LSG]

IDU,

Thank you so much!

When I first found out about the A my W is having, I told a whopper of a story that made her think and question my sanity. She brought it up tonight. It was never true, but it started out harmless, and it became bigger and bigger until it became out of control on both our parts and she blames me. I take responsibility for my part, but it started with something she said while we were showering together. It seemed it would save our M, but it may have ended it. I never told her the truth, and I am reluctant to do that now with the D. She plans to bring it up in her response to question my sanity to care for the kids. I put it to rest the best I could at time, and I never brought it up again. It did a lot of harm. I know we could save our M, but I need to do the right thing. I know this is part of the problem. How do I deal with. I need help from everyone to come up with the right answer to save my M.

I am so sorry I let it get out of control. I tried to stop it, but it was too late, and I am embarrassed I did it.

I knew it cause a lot of emotions in her, and I always felt bad, but I did not know how to tell the truth at the time and not make her feel stupid or worse. I was mad about the A too.

I need to make sure that I do not hurt my case at the D hearing either.

I am so screwed now, and I can't take it back.

I hope others on this forum do not make this type of mistake because it is very hard to change it once you have.

Now I have so many other problems.

I will have to live with this forever.

She is still mad about me not having a job.

What do I do to save my M and not hurt my D.

Please everyone help with this. I need to do the right thing, but I am "between a rock and a very hard place."

I need a response soon.

[LSG]

She said she is primary parent too because she never agreed to me being primary parent. How does that work? She also asked, "if I am going to be a parasite off my kids too?" I have never been a parasite, and I have always been there for her and and the kids. Up until Christmas I only had to pairs of pants that I had to wash all the time to wear, and two pairs of shoes.

Checkout her closet and the some 20 to 30 pairs of shoes she has.

She has more stuff than me or the kids combined. Is a person that cares for the kids and has no job a parasite.

I was upset that she is taking the kids on an overnight trip. My attorney said, "I should not let her go, and it is the parents decision."

Another attorney said, "it does not matter if you agree on who is primary parent. You don't have to agree to make it so.

I hate all this legal stuff.

It is driving me crazy!