So...at what point do you forfeit the battle in order to win the war?
I take this to mean let some stuff go in order to reach your goal? Heck yeah! Depends on the stuff though....
Yes.
One of my HUGE pet peeves is schedule. I do ALL the kids' stuff (drop off and pick up from school, activities, doctor's appts, playdates, etc.), while he sleeps in, goes to work, or works out. It's all about HIM. If I need him to do ANYTHING with the kids or if I want to do something other than sit home with them every night of the week, I have to clear it with him WEEKS in advance or I'm out of luck. He comes and goes whenever the hell he wants, but I have to arrange ANYTHING out of the ordinary. He's been REALLY bad for the last 15 months, since the first exposure.
One of the things I absolutely HATE is that he spends Sunday evenings with OW at work. He has for 2 years because it's quiet and they're mostly alone. When I caught on that that's why he was going and told him to stop it a year ago, he started spending most of Sunday at work just to tick me off (on Valentine's Day he slept 'til noon and was gone from 2 pm to 2 am). Usually he goes from 6-midnight and the kids and I have Sunday dinner alone.
After he moved to the basement, he started going Saturday nights as well, so he could see OW 7 days a week. In those first 6-7 weeks after he moved downstairs and I started doing the 180, he pushed the limits by staying out until 2 or 3 am. It nearly killed me.
But with the EA winding down and me doing Larry's course, WH's spending less time at work and more time at home, even thought I keep our interactions to a minimum. He's still going both Sat and Sun nights, but the time he's gone is getting shorter and shorter. Last week he went from 8-10:30. Last night it was 9-11. I wish he didn't go at all, but we're not there yet.
I'll call the affair done when either:
1) OW defends her dissertation and FINALLY leaves (should be in Dec if she doesn't drag it out) 2) He comes home for dinner every night and doesn't go in on weekends
So...he's been winning the Sunday night battle for a while. Should I win the war and we reconcile, his schedule is going to be one of the things that HAS to change.
In fact, I have a list of things I plan to re-negotiate with him. I just won't take him back under any old circumstances. THAT much I HAVE learned! The lopsided marriage arrangement we had before is OVER. Should we start fresh once OW is gone and he comes out of his fog, it will be a new and improved marriage - version 2.0. This is part of that vision I had yesterday, of what things COULD be like between us.
